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February 08, 2005 - Tuesday, 3:44 p.m.
This is a dreary, melancholy day. Worrying about money again... and still tired of being alone. Thinking Horizons is going to be hard work... I don't know yet... but am pretty sure it is going to be about actually making concrete changes in your life... getting tired of hard work... tired... just mentally I think... would love about 3 days to myself perhaps sitting on the beach just watching the waves crash on the sand and pondering the power, depth and life contained therein, watch the sun set into the west and just absorb life... so very tired of being alone....
I have that panic feeling in my chest... I think its finances... but could be just about anything...
This weather... I just look out the window at it and I think of the wood through the wardrobe in "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe"... and the desire to just escape is great... that particular part of the book has almost a womb like feeling... safe, lovely, surreal and peaceful... just how it feels today... but even in that story, that wood was an ideal and lovely spot until the children went farther into the woods and then much was afoot, and times were scary there too.
Phil came by around lunchtime to pick up some things from me, and then asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him. We went over to Chiliís and sat and visited. He wonít be back until the last weekend of the month. Iíll be in class next weekend when he comes down for just Saturday. It was really nice to be asked, and very enjoyable to sit and visit. I sure do love my boys.
The weather is holding, it still looks like a winter day in Minnesota. It was another restless night of sleepÖ or lack thereof. I watched Voyager againÖ I am almost to the end of the series. I really do enjoy that show. It must have been near midnight when I fell asleep. Need to leave the TV off tonight, so I can get some good sleep.
My finance class went good last night, it was a good lecture which I felt like I actually followed. That felt good. Itís going to be an interesting class. Just challenging enough. Talked to Gary again yesterday. We talked about the class Curtis is going to take. It was a good conversation.
The fog has finally lifted here and most of the ice is gone from the roads, though it is still pretty cold out. It was another one of those storms that has left an icy, snow coating on every branch, twig and pine needle. Itís gorgeous. Like a postcard.