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July 10, 2005 - Sunday, 10:54 p.m.

No matter what transpires with Phil, I know that this is where this shift originated from. There has been a shifting in my level of bravery now for a number of weeks. I can feel a part of me that has been long gone that is beginning to surface again. The one that isn�t afraid of the world. The one that is intrigued by it, the one that wants to figure out a way to do something in the world that can help, even if it is just on a small scale somewhere.

There has never been anyone in my life that really had a significant interest in the third world. Suddenly that possibility has jumped into my mind and I�ve been thinking about it. Over the past few days I�ve come to realize that I need to move from this area. It feels very clear. I know that I need to finish this last year of school, but then I think I really need to be looking for a job some place other then here. I am not sure why, but it�s a strong feeling, and perhaps a stepping stone to where ever I�ll go after that.

A lot of refocusing and re-centering of myself over that last week or so, and I am not sure exactly what that is going to look like. I can see a lot of things that I need to get into alignment, things I need to do. So much to go over and sort out, but it feels nice.

I am missing Phil and hoping that he�ll come back and have figured some things out about where he wants to be and where he wants to go, but I am at peace with my path at the moment and he�s still in the midst of it, but not central to my progress. It�s a nice feeling� a lot of calm� and I am tired. Sleep is creeping up on me� so much in my mind I want to go over and through, but it�ll have to wait.

Was a lovely and refreshing break from my life, this past few days. Really to move forward.

Sweet dreams. M.