Spike on the River
Neal in Antarctica
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July 10, 2005 - Sunday, 10:54 p.m.
No matter what transpires with Phil, I know that this is where this shift originated from. There has been a shifting in my level of bravery now for a number of weeks. I can feel a part of me that has been long gone that is beginning to surface again. The one that isnít afraid of the world. The one that is intrigued by it, the one that wants to figure out a way to do something in the world that can help, even if it is just on a small scale somewhere.
There has never been anyone in my life that really had a significant interest in the third world. Suddenly that possibility has jumped into my mind and Iíve been thinking about it. Over the past few days Iíve come to realize that I need to move from this area. It feels very clear. I know that I need to finish this last year of school, but then I think I really need to be looking for a job some place other then here. I am not sure why, but itís a strong feeling, and perhaps a stepping stone to where ever Iíll go after that.
A lot of refocusing and re-centering of myself over that last week or so, and I am not sure exactly what that is going to look like. I can see a lot of things that I need to get into alignment, things I need to do. So much to go over and sort out, but it feels nice.
I am missing Phil and hoping that heíll come back and have figured some things out about where he wants to be and where he wants to go, but I am at peace with my path at the moment and heís still in the midst of it, but not central to my progress. Itís a nice feelingÖ a lot of calmÖ and I am tired. Sleep is creeping up on meÖ so much in my mind I want to go over and through, but itíll have to wait.
Was a lovely and refreshing break from my life, this past few days. Really to move forward.
Sweet dreams. M.