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February 11, 2008 - Monday, 3:45 p.m.

I'm settling into my new life pretty well. I am surprised that after nearly seventeen years of being on my own (without a spouse or significant other) that it has been as smooth as it has been. Currently I can seem to get caught up on laundry, though we are getting close. It hasn't helped being sick, as it seems we've gotten very little done around the house since we've been sick.

I am looking forward to getting into the yard next month. I didn't take care of my flower beds very well last summer and it will be good to get them all cleaned out and ready for spring.

Justin and Moon are talking about moving out and getting an apartment. It is very strange to think about them being gone. Philip may stay up at Fort Collins through the summer if he decides to take summer classes. He's about 3 semesters away from graduating, so it's possible. Curtis continues to talk about getting an apartment. I know that he wants to be out on his own. Just now with the amount of time without a job, he is having a terrible time finding a job. I am hoping he'll find something very soon. It is very depressing for him.

After a few weeks of not talking to L, I realized that in our relationship I have ALWAY reached out, so I needed to do that. I opened the door and wrote her a short email. I didn't mention anything about the wedding, what's the point? I don't know if she'll ever be able to look at WHY she didn't come. I didn't and don't expect an apology. I just want to understand and I don't suppose I ever will. All I know is that I never would have dreamed of not coming to something important in her life, and when it came to something important to me, it was just a list of reasons she didn't come, though she never listed them to me. Something she listened to me yearn for all the years of our friendship... It still doesn't make sense and still... it hurts. I am so quick to make people in my life a priority - it hurts when it isn't reciprocated.

I'll be there for her if she really needs me, but a piece of me is closed away now in that relationship and I don't know if it will ever come back.

Sheri is getting ready to leave for Estrella tomorrow. That would have really been a fun SCA event to attend. We are hoping that we can go NEXT year.

I'll be so happy to get my house in order. Hoping I'll feel better now so I can get some of that done. :o)