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December 31, 2005 - Saturday, 2:08 p.m.

It�s time to turn my focus on finding a new job. I am not sure that I am really MBA material, nor whether or not I am going to be able to find anything employing the degree. I do know however that I�ll figure out a way to make it all work financially, even if that means two jobs for a while. Thank goodness my health is pretty good and I seem perfectly capable of working on little sleep. One of the companies I was hoping I might have a chance with is looking like they are moving their design work offshore. They seemed to have lost a number of people from their Phoenix offices; so much for that idea. I keep thinking that if I do get a second job I am going to look for something with the possibility of tips.

I feel like I am falling behind on stuff. I�m not sure what, actually. But it �feels� that way. I need to clean my house, go through the mail, probably some laundry� but here I sit. I don�t feel like doing anything. I keep getting a headache, which makes me just want to sit here, and maybe sleep.

Earlier this week I went and saw �Narnia�. I know I�ve already mentioned that, but I can�t stop thinking about it. I bought the soundtrack. I really like Alannis Morissette�s song, �Wunderkind�, on that album. Narnia and Middle Earth swirl together in my mind. I can�t help think about one without thinking about the other. I took a class called �Folk Lore, Myth and Fairy Tale� when I was in college 25 years ago. In that class we studied both the Lord of the Rings and the Chronicles of Narnia. We found that both authors were very thematic, and they were also Pub buddies. They�d often get together with some others, have a beer and discuss the books they were writing. They have a number of common themes, though are two completely different stories. In that class we discussed thematic ideas from works like Dante�s Inferno, Paradise Lost, Pilgrim�s Progress and how they all borrowed from the Bible. The Christ parallel in the Narnia books is much more obviously written. There is no doubt in anyone�s mind that Aslan is the Christ figure of that series, and he is very much modeled after Christ. In Lord of the Rings, it is less obvious that Gandalf is the Christ parallel. Yet that parallel is there.

It all makes me think about the process of writing, and how much help it must have been for them to have a place to bounce their ideas off of others. Both of their series, as well as the Harry Potter books, make me wish I could write something that would really strike a cord, even if it were just for me. I so like that idea of creating a world and then writing about it. McCaffrey does the same thing. These types of books just suck me in, and so make me daydream about writing.

I�ve had a number of strange dreams in the last few weeks. It seems I am either trying to find the path through (like my design work) or I am literally running around trying to accomplish tasks like in World of Warcraft. They end up being restless nights of sleep.

I heard from my doctor�s office on Friday. I guess my ultrasound showed that all my organs look normal. Surprise! Not. My guess is they are never going to be able to figure out what happened a few weeks ago. They aren�t done checking yet though, guess I�ll get a CT (cat scan) of my lower abdomen in the next week or so. Am guessing that�ll look normal too. Ah well, guess I�ll chalk it up to a digestive tract virus of some sort.

GAH!! How is it that I can feel so incredibly restless and just sit here? I know it is the headache, but still. The house is so quiet. It�s already 1:30 in the afternoon, but I think everyone in the house, except me, is asleep. I need a shower and I should strip my bed and wash the sheets.

There is much more pondering to do this day, but first I think I�ll take a nap so this Advil can work.

Later�. M

Happy New Year.