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October 17, 2005 - Monday, 11:40 p.m.

It�s the same when it first starts to snow, or it�s just begun to rain. You should be completely free to outstretch your arms, throw back you head and just feel it gently fall on your face. It�s the little things that remind you that you are alive. There is a child like joy in swishing leaves, and feeling the soft caress of raindrops and snowflakes on your cheeks. If you haven�t done these things in a while, do them the next chance you get. I do it every chance I get.

Today was another busy day. I got into work late (as I spent some of my morning finishing up my exam for my online class). But the day was busy. I didn�t go and eat lunch I just stayed and worked at my desk until 6 pm. No visitor today and I missed seeing him. He was sitting on his motorcycle visiting with a couple guys as I went to my car to head to school. I got a nod of acknowledgment and he got a one finger wave. Sadly that was the frickin� highlight of my day.

I brought a book in Friday afternoon for Tim, who I�d spent an hour visiting with Friday morning. I noticed at the end of the day on Friday (after he�d left) that the book was still sitting on his desk. I�ll sneak in there again tomorrow and see if it�s still lying there. Perhaps I misread him having any interest in the topic. I went by my gut, but perhaps my gut isn�t that good at figuring anything out. I beginning to doubt my ability to gage or read anyone any more. I once thought I was pretty good at it, now I think more often then not some one should just give me a good thump and leave it at that.

I have the windows open again. It just hasn�t gotten cold enough to force me to close them. I can hear a dog barking down the street and the traffic down on the expressway, and there is a horn blowing on the train going through town, and the sound of the railroad cars on the tracks. There is something about that sound that helps me remember that everything keeps moving on� the world hasn�t stopped.

I can�t get rid of this headache. Every morning it�s there when I wake up, and every night when I go to lie down it�s there. I take something and it goes away for a while, but it keeps coming back. It�s been there the better part of a week now. I keep thinking TOMORROW I�ll wake up and it�ll be gone. So, perhaps, tomorrow�

Sweet dreams. M.