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August 10, 2005 - Wednesday, 10:25 a.m. L says: I�d prefer the hanging section. Maliestra says: Booth or a table? L says: A noose is good for me Maliestra says: Would you like the appetizer menu or perhaps just the 'last meal' selection.... L says: Hmmm� How about just a stiff shot of whiskey? Maliestra says: Let me check with the bartender.... L nods: Okay, I'll tip well. Maliestra says: Hmmm... He is suggesting something a little more flamboyant... L says: Oh? Such as? Maliestra says: Something he can light on fire that will alert others to the wide selection available here... L says: Sure what the heck. Maliestra smiles sweetly and says: Okay... I'll have a Flaming Larry Hill for you in a minute� L chuckles: That is evil. L grins: I didn't ask for the flaming idiot special. Maliestra says: But we have such a plethora available!! L says: Hmmm� Nope no flaming idiot special for me. Maliestra says: Okay L grins and says: Just the noose forget the drink Maliestra says: Perhaps... you'd like something to eat... can I suggest the brazen hussy? L laughs: Maliestra says: Lightly grilled? L says: Ummm� Nah� Maliestra says: You sure? L nods: Yeah I think I just want the noose why prolong agony? Maliestra says: Hmmm... Did you want a hemp rope? L nods: Hemp is best Maliestra says: Yes... don't want it breaking midstream L says: Right! Maliestra says: Garcon!?! A Hanger deluxe at table 12!! L giggles: Maliestra says: Oh my... L says: Whew thought I was going to be stuck with the flaming idiots. What? Two for one special? Maliestra says: I'm afraid we just sold the last one... could I interest you in a little Chinese water torture? L says: MAN, it figures! Maliestra smiles sweetly again and says: Yes... well... Jennifer Aniston is a special guest here... we always make sure we have what she needs available... so sorry... L chuckles: How about a shotgun? Got any of those? Maliestra says: Sorry.... L says: I�m not big into water torture� axe? Maliestra says: You probably wanted Fantasyland down the street Maliestra says: This is reality L says: ARGH, I thought this was HELL Maliestra says: Reality Hell L says: Wait it IS HELL Maliestra says: Not Fantasyland Hell L says: I can't get what I WANT Maliestra says: Exactly L screams: Maliestra says: Not too far from life... Pretty much just eternity of the same ole same ole... L says: GREAT Maliestra says: It's on display... other tables have it... but I can't get it for you... L says: I'm leaving Maliestra says: Oh... sorry L says: I don't want to be in this hell Maliestra says: You need a ticket to leave L says: WHAT?! Maliestra says: I know� policy� L says: Great Maliestra says: Sorry L says: So I'm stuck here? Maliestra says: Until you find the golden ticket? Pretty much L says: So how do find one of those? Maliestra says: Meditate... however it's pretty noisy here...and the flaming idiots walk by, wave and blow kisses every few minutes� especially the ones you want. L says: That figures L sighs: Can I kill the flaming idiots? Maliestra says: Ah� Sorry� No. L sighs deeply: Maliestra points to a sign which says: Endangered Species: Flaming Idiots... Then in tiny print �Not really endangered but this is Hell and we protect �em here.� L says: GREAT! You know� I knew there was a loophole for them morons L mutters loudly: Maliestra points to a dark door: Maliestra says: That's the Flogging Room... for self-service... L says: I can't even get anyone to flog me?? Maliestra says: Of course not L says: I have to do it myself??? Maliestra says: Of course L says: Man this place sucks Maliestra nods: L sighs: Maliestra says: You'll do a much better job then any of the lazy asses that work here... L says: I'll take the slit your wrist with a rusty dull blade special Maliestra says: Oh sorry... medical procedures aren�t allowed in the bar... policy� again. That would be far too easy... but we do have A Hammer special for pounding on your thumb incessantly... L says: Ugh� not good Maliestra says: Or perhaps the Paper Cut Special? We serve it with vinegar� L says: Ewww� Do you have iocane powder? Maliestra says: Fresh out... that little man over there took the last of it... L screams: L says: Okay I want anything that would cause DEATH Maliestra says: Ah!! I have it!! It's a special... it comes with a dozen courses... It's called the "Life Time Hell Special", complete with your OWN flaming idiot... it takes a while, but the result is death... well� eventually... after 40 years or so L screeches: L says: That is too long... How about something instant? Maliestra says: Nope� Nothing instant in hell� Nada� ziltch� zip� zero L sighs: Ya� I get it. |