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July 16, 2004 - Friday, 3:45 p.m.

What an insane week this has been!! After a weekend of keeping my arm elevated I made it a short day at work on Monday and spent the afternoon preparing for my midterm. I felt terribly distracted and found it hard to focus on the studying. Went into the test calm and felt pretty good about it when I got done. About thirty minutes into the midterm I started to get a reaction to my antibiotic that had been newly prescribed that morning. It wasn�t until I got home that I realized how bad it was, and ended up spending the night in the ER. It totally messed up my week for work hours, but some how I managed to get a solid B on my midterm!! Talk about excited!! What a relief!!

What a trip the ER is! I arrived there at about 10:15pm Monday night. There was quite a crowd there. We all patiently sat there for hours! A kid sitting across from me was sleeping uncomfortably in a chair sitting next to his parents, something with his eye I believe. Another person next to us was in a sling. There was a guy there desperately trying not to move his right arm and shoulder (most likely dislocated). One young man walked it bleeding from his arm pretty bad, they bandaged him a little and then left him sitting to wait his turn. One guy came in with arm pain and chest pains; he quickly went into the ER. We all sat patiently waiting and waiting. At one point victims from a bad traffic accident arrived via ambulance. The waiting room hardly changed for two hours. I�d called my mother and father to make sure they knew what was going on and they came down and joined Phil and I in the waiting room. Was very nice to have them all there. I finally got into an ER room after midnight. I was more concerned about the possible spreading of the infection in my arm then the allergic reaction, but they assured me that this wasn�t happening. Nothing too scary� a couple major IV doses of Benedryl and I was sent home just before 4 am.

Here we are at Friday and the infection is just a memory and the burn is rapidly falling into the realm of memory, rather then current irritation. I guess two weeks isn�t too bad for going from injury to healed. Glad to have it getting better. I am now sitting at two weeks away from leaving for the Lake!! I can hardly wait! As I am feeling better I am hoping that I�ll be able to focus on studying for my final in two weeks. It will be so good to get this done.

This has been a long week. When I arrived here this morning at 7 am I still needed 16 hours to complete my 40-hour week!! Gah!! It�s going to be a long day� and a long Saturday morning and a VERY short weekend!!

Read a disturbing article on the web this morning. I was reading one of my favorite blogs and was referenced out to THIS article. Such a tightrope we tread in our efforts to not discriminate! ::sighs:: It feels like there isn�t a good answer. How do we protect ourselves and yet not infringe on people�s rights? Gah!! Mr. Lilek made a comment to wondering about who would want to be president with the awful things that they may have to deal with in the next few years. I�m in total agreement. Ugh!!

It seems that every friendship I�ve ever had it has been totally up to me to keep the connection going. What�s up with that? Don�t know why it bothers me, but it does. Perhaps I�m not a very fun friend to have� nobody�s working to keep me as a friend. Doesn�t matter if they stop communicating with me or me with them. If I don�t go back and call and say, �hey� what�s up with you�, they never call. I don�t expect that the other people will keep it going alone�but I hate feeling like I am doing it by myself. In a regular day� no one writes me an email, unless I write him or her first. If someone writes to me I write back� responding to their emails... until they stop writing. My job to email, my job to IM, my job to call� that gets old... ya know? I have to man the door� �Wanna come in now?� �Now?� �Now?�

Every friend that I can recall has drifted away. There are none left from grade school or high school� not even any from college. No friends from old jobs� perhaps that is how it is for many people. The only �friends� that I have that have really stuck in there through thick and thin are my siblings. Even when it comes to my friendships with my cousins, I make a point to go by and visit them. I make sure to plan my time to stop see them if I am anywhere near where they live. I�ve lived in my house for fifteen years and none of them have ever seen my house, they�ve never stopped by. I have a friend that moved to Michigan about 3 years ago. I made a point last summer to drive all the way from here to Michigan to visit her. When I had a friend that moved to Chicago I made that trip 3 times in the 4 years she lived there specifically to visit her. I had another friend who moved to California� made a point to go spend some time in California with her. I make a point of trying to keep the friendships going. However, experience has told me if I quit calling they�d just drift away. Sure would be nice to be on the receiving end of that scenario. Where someone was working to keep a friendship with me. Like I said before, perhaps I am not that great of a friend. I feel like I am, like I�d do anything for my friends (and often do). Just depresses me to think about it. Thank God my nieces love visiting me� actually most of the kids do� that helps a lot.

What�s up with this scenario?

My friend says, �Boy I am glad it is the weekend!�

I say, �Me too!! I am looking forward to the weekend. I� (proceed to go into detail about my weekend)� am going to a birthday party on Saturday at such-n-such a place, and then Saturday night I am going to � blah, blah, blah�

My friend say, �Oh me too, I have plans.�

At this point I am thinking, hmmm, I just told you my entire weekend� but I say, �Oh, what are you going to do?�

They say, �Oh, I�m going out.�

�Ummmm� really... where?�

�Out with some friends.� At this point I am doing that mental screaming in my brain thing and all I hear is, �it�s none of your frickin� business.� I guess I realize that it isn�t any of my business, but what it makes me feel is that I need to stop sharing my plans with these people. Because (a) they probably don�t give a flying f*ck what I am going to do, (b) it feels unbalanced and pathetic and (c) makes me feel uncomfortable.

What a whiner I am today! I guess this stuff has just been bothering me.

I am really tired. Wishing for the work day to finish drifting away.

M.