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January 19, 2009 - Monday, 6:28 p.m.

Summer day in the middle of winter...

I felt a little more productive this past weekend. I got the freezer defrosted and reloaded. It looks WONDERFUL. Next I'll do the same for the other freezer (it needs to be cleaned more then it needs to be defrosted.)

I also got some things moved out of the closet in 'my' room. So now I am hoping to pull a few things out of the garage and load into the closet in the basement. I did clean some in the garage and it is looking better, but there is still more to do.

It is beautiful today, like late spring. Strange weather for January!! I wish I were home getting things done in the good weather. :o)

I've gone back to taking my full dose of Wellbutrin. Depression is creeping into the edges of my life. Would like to cut that off before it gets bad. Stressed some about finances, but mostly it is just inside me. Worrying about my direction some days. I think I am going to start going to Wonderful Wednesdays. I think a shot of that every week would help. I am trying to take Bjorn with me. Looks like currently he is going to church on that night with his old babysitters. I am hoping that somehow he is going to church with them on more then one night a week, and so perhaps I can take him on Wednesdays. I guess I'll see. Originally I had thought that his church going was happening with his mom, but last week I came to realize that it's been the babysitters, not her. I want very badly for Bjorn to be a different teenager then Alex. I can't fix Alex, at this point I can't really help other then to say prayers for him. But Bjorn... I can do something there. I just have to figure out a way to make that happen. I believe that I will start taking him to classes on Sunday mornings, when we have him. If he starts to go, perhaps he'll chose to go with me on Wednesdays. I think the attribute and value lessons in Wonder Wednesday would really be good for him.

Prayer is finally creeping back into my psyche. I don't know what has kept me from doing that, but I notice that lately I find myself saying prayers in my head as I am laying down at night to fall asleep. I'd like to make it a little more formal and get the book out and say some specific prayers with specific people in mind. It doesn't seem to matter how much I 'know' that my spirit needs prayer every bit as much as my body needs food, I have to 'feel' it to really be consistent. And I am starting to feel the need for it, rather then just thinking it is something I should do. I am equally sure that it will help to improve my outlook on things.

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