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November 12, 2008 - Wednesday, 11:29 p.m.

What a ride...

What a ride it has been. ::sighs:: We had Alex go back to washing dishes. On November 2nd, the Sunday after Halloween, Bjorn and I were sitting at the computer playing something or another and he asked me when we were going to have breakfast, and I said after the dishes are done. Alex stomped upstairs to finish the dishes. When I was making coffee, shortly before that, I tipped a pan that I had set to soaking the night before and he was soaking again. I didnít empty it out; I just moved it enough to fill the coffee pot with water. Alex stomped back downstairs a few moments later and said, ďDid you empty that pan?Ē I said, ďI tilted it a little.Ē And in a huff he said, ďWell, itís all crusty again and needs to soak.Ē And I said, ďOh come ON, Alex. It isnít that hard.Ē And I went upstairs to do it myself (It didnít even require scrubbing). Alex came up right behind me and stomped into his bedroom and slammed the door. After I made breakfast, I went to ask Alex what he wanted for breakfast, and he said ĎNothingí. Shortly after that he called his Mom crying and upset and she came and got him. He stayed with her Sunday and Sunday night. After school on Monday Scott picked him up. His Mom went and got him a scrubber brush and some rubber gloves to help make dish doing a little easier.

He did the dishes Monday evening and I thanked him for doing them, but the dishes werenít really getting clean. He was only washing the top sides of the plates and the insides of the bowls. There was food and grease on the outside and bottoms. I even found a hunk of gum stuck to the bottom of a plate in the cupboard. Wednesday I talked to Scott and said we need to talk to him about ďhowĒ to do dishes, because he wasnít getting them clean. So once we were all home on Wednesday, I said to Alex we need to go over how we are going to wash dishes. He said, ďIím washing them.Ē I said, ďThey arenít getting clean.Ē He insisted that he was cleaning them completely so I said that we should go up and look at the plates. The three of us went upstairs and I pulled three plates out of the sink that Iíd pulled out of the cupboard a little earlier. We showed him the back sides of the plates and the gum residue still on the plate though heíd insisted that heíd scrubbed it clean. After we got done looking at the third plate he left the room, I said, we arenít done talking yet. He yelled, ďI donít care.Ē Scott followed him in the bedroom and I did the dishes. Alex was yelling and yelling at Scott. Swearing and telling him he didnít care about the dishes or homework or school. That he doesnít want to go to school, he wants to just get a fast food job and drop out of school. Scott was really calm, but Alex kept yelling at him. He told Scott that I didnít care about him, and that as far as he was concerned I could die. ::sighs:: I know he was just lashing out, trying to make Scott mad, so I am not going to dwell on that comment. I am a convenient target. I have completely become the bad guy in Alexís mind. At the end of the yelling Alex told his Dad that he was going to go to his Momís and he tried to call her, but she didnít answer. Scott took Alexís phone and then also tried to call Alexís Mom. I finished up the dishes, and Scott went back downstairs. Alex grabbed a couple things and slammed out the front door. I let Scott know and we had Curtis go find him and take him to his Momís. He was just sitting on the front step, but I was afraid that heíd start walking somewhere.

Alex hasnít been back. He told his mom that he was very upset and that heíd hit his Dad. (He actually only pushed by Scott when he came in the house.) It was enough for his Mom to keep him out of school Thursday and Friday of last week because she was afraid that he might get upset at school. Scott called and talked to him on Sunday. He said he wanted to stay with his mom another week and then heíd decide where he wants to live.

We know that he is getting game time at his Momís, though I donít know how long thatíll last if he picks to live with her. Itís sad. I know that dishes were just a focal point. That this was really about not getting to game, and he doesnít want to have to do dishes or his laundry. Iíll be very sad if he picks to live with his Mom just because he can play games there. His grades are not good. He still has a couple Fs, a D, a C- and a couple Bs.

Yesterday he went to his first appointment with a counselor. I guess he went in alone and about all that came out of it that his Mom was willing to share was that the psychologist is going to call Scott to talk to him. (It hasnít happened so far.) Alex didnít go to school again today. He is just going to get farther behind. I hope that Alex is going to try to get something out of the counseling and not just use it to lash out at his Dad.

Seeing as I am a focal point for Alex, I have back completely out of the picture. If he comes back I am not going to be asking him to do anything. Itíll all have to come from Scott. It is going to be tough, because if Scott doesnít say something to keep him doing his chores, then I am going to start to feel really used. ::sighs:: I guess Iíll cross that bridge when it comes.

At this point I am thinking that Alex is going to pick to live with his Mom. At this moment in time he is getting to do more of what he wants to do there. A year and a half ago he went through this same sort of thing and stopped living with his Mom and moved in with Scott. He canít continue to bounce back and forth looking for the easiest ride. ::sighs:: Itís not a fun situation. Itís very hard on Scott, but Scott isnít going to back down on the punishments. It seems to be at a stalemate.

On a completely different note, my iron level is starting to come up. I can tell. My craving for ice has dropped tremendously, and I am not falling asleep at night. I crawl into bed at the appropriate time, but I just lay there with my eyes open, so much just trickling through my mind. So much I would have, should have, could have done with Alex. My job has been stressful. Iím worried about money. I wish I had a better paying job. I keep thinking about a second job. ::sighs::

Tonight I am feeling unsettled. Almost like the tingling of dread in my mind about something I canít put my finger on. It doesnít feel good. I want to sleep. Perhaps Iíll be able to now.

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