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November 05, 2007 - Monday, 3:25 p.m.
Just when you aren't looking... BAM!!So much has happened since I last wrote that I hardly know where to begin.
I am happy. I am very, very happy. I am happier then I can remember being
in a long time.
After months of denying it, S suddenly acknowledged that we've really been
dating since May. It was an epiphany he told me. It was Crown Tournament
weekend (first weekend in September). But rather then being what Haroun
said, it was Sixtus. It was the interaction I didn't really hear, but Sheri
did. It started him thinking and once he started thinking and then talking
to other friends about what he was looking for in a woman, he realized I was
all those things. I know he is all the things I could hope for, but for it
to be mutual is amazing.
Since that moment he hasn't looked back. As for me? Well, I haven't looked
back since some time in June. It seems to me that every other guy I've been
interested in in the last 16 years, I would worry that I was going to get
into this relationship with them and THEN Mr. Right would come along and I
wouldn't be available. Which is probably why I have always tended to get
cold feet as soon as the person started to show half way serious interest in
me. Since the moment I met S, it never entered my mind. This IS Mr Right,
I am not worried one bit that someone else will come along and I'll regret
where I am. I am ecstatic about where I am. I can't imagine finding anyone
I'd ever be happier with. What a calming and stabilizing feeling that is!
I feel so centered. It feels lovely.
One day we were talking and marriage came up in the conversation. I am
pretty sure it was an off-hand comment that I made. It continued to come
up. One day when we were together we talked about wedding rings and
engagement rings and what I'd like. Then a few days later while we were out
spending the day with his oldest son, he made a quick detour when A and I
went into a gaming store and he talked to a jeweler about what my idea was.
After we walked out of the game store together he handed me a wad of paper.
It was a napkin from the jeweler and a bunch of information about ring
costs. :o) The next day we went to a jeweler in Manitou and picked out
something I liked and took a quote away on it.
Not exactly a marriage proposal. But that is what it was. Some where along
the line of all the conversations we'd had we'd decided that was what we
wanted to do. The following Monday we went and had dinner with my Mom and
Dad to ask for permission to get married. :o) I was so nervous. Why? I
don't know. But I was very much so. Perhaps because, as my sister said, I
tend to worry about their opinion even when it is about stuff that they
don't really have a say about, so here when they DID have a say it was much
worse. My mother must have had an inkling, but even if she didn't, she made
a wonderful dinner and set the table with the good china anyway. It was so
nice. We sat and talked to them, they asked questions and we answered them.
S did most of the talking, and he (unlike me) wasn't nervous at all. By the
end of the evening we had permission.
The next day I told him that I'd like a winter wedding. Later that
afternoon I talked to him and he said 'New Years Eve'. SOOOooo... We are
getting married on New Year's Eve. This year!! It'll be a medieval type
wedding, with the Baha'i vows as well as whatever we can research on Viking
style weddings, and everyone will be in garb (well most everyone).
Over the next couple of weeks he asked permission from both of his parents
and we have all of our permissions done now. :o)
In some ways it feels surreal, and in other ways I can't imagine it any
other way. We are both so happy together. We are almost inseperable. I
love his boys, I love him. He makes me so happy, just being. He doesn't
even have to do anything. It is so completely clear to me that he loves me
so much. I don't ever remember feeling this way about anyone. Never so
completely sure of how they felt about me. Just thinking about him makes me
smile. We are both of the same mind. This is it. From now until we are
both gone. We will see our way through our marriage. We are both dedicated
to making this our last marriage. We both know that it is work to be
married, and we'll do what it takes to keep it working. We both feel
incredibly lucky to have found each other.
He says so many wonderful things about me and to me. He is amazed that I
stayed single all these years. Surprised that someone didn't snatch me up.
He tells me I'm amazing, and that he doesn't know what he's done to deserve
me. Honestly, I don't know what I'VE done to deserve HIM!! I told him I
must have been waiting for him. I honestly don't have a better explanation
then that I've been waiting for him. I don't know why I never found anyone
before, all I know is that I am VERY happy that I didn't. Any heartache
I've had in the last 17 years fades now, and was worth it. When he looks at
me I can see that he loves me. It's amazing and wonderful.
No matter how many times you hear it, it doesn't really hit home until it0 comments so far
happens. It really does happen when you least expect it. It comes at you
from some direction you weren't looking.