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November 05, 2007 - Monday, 3:25 p.m.
Just when you aren't looking... BAM!!So much has happened since I last wrote that I hardly know where to begin.I am happy. I am very, very happy. I am happier then I can remember being in a long time. After months of denying it, S suddenly acknowledged that we've really been dating since May. It was an epiphany he told me. It was Crown Tournament weekend (first weekend in September). But rather then being what Haroun said, it was Sixtus. It was the interaction I didn't really hear, but Sheri did. It started him thinking and once he started thinking and then talking to other friends about what he was looking for in a woman, he realized I was all those things. I know he is all the things I could hope for, but for it to be mutual is amazing. Since that moment he hasn't looked back. As for me? Well, I haven't looked back since some time in June. It seems to me that every other guy I've been interested in in the last 16 years, I would worry that I was going to get into this relationship with them and THEN Mr. Right would come along and I wouldn't be available. Which is probably why I have always tended to get cold feet as soon as the person started to show half way serious interest in me. Since the moment I met S, it never entered my mind. This IS Mr Right, I am not worried one bit that someone else will come along and I'll regret where I am. I am ecstatic about where I am. I can't imagine finding anyone I'd ever be happier with. What a calming and stabilizing feeling that is! I feel so centered. It feels lovely. One day we were talking and marriage came up in the conversation. I am pretty sure it was an off-hand comment that I made. It continued to come up. One day when we were together we talked about wedding rings and engagement rings and what I'd like. Then a few days later while we were out spending the day with his oldest son, he made a quick detour when A and I went into a gaming store and he talked to a jeweler about what my idea was. After we walked out of the game store together he handed me a wad of paper. It was a napkin from the jeweler and a bunch of information about ring costs. :o) The next day we went to a jeweler in Manitou and picked out something I liked and took a quote away on it. Not exactly a marriage proposal. But that is what it was. Some where along the line of all the conversations we'd had we'd decided that was what we wanted to do. The following Monday we went and had dinner with my Mom and Dad to ask for permission to get married. :o) I was so nervous. Why? I don't know. But I was very much so. Perhaps because, as my sister said, I tend to worry about their opinion even when it is about stuff that they don't really have a say about, so here when they DID have a say it was much worse. My mother must have had an inkling, but even if she didn't, she made a wonderful dinner and set the table with the good china anyway. It was so nice. We sat and talked to them, they asked questions and we answered them. S did most of the talking, and he (unlike me) wasn't nervous at all. By the end of the evening we had permission. The next day I told him that I'd like a winter wedding. Later that afternoon I talked to him and he said 'New Years Eve'. SOOOooo... We are getting married on New Year's Eve. This year!! It'll be a medieval type wedding, with the Baha'i vows as well as whatever we can research on Viking style weddings, and everyone will be in garb (well most everyone). Over the next couple of weeks he asked permission from both of his parents and we have all of our permissions done now. :o) In some ways it feels surreal, and in other ways I can't imagine it any other way. We are both so happy together. We are almost inseperable. I love his boys, I love him. He makes me so happy, just being. He doesn't even have to do anything. It is so completely clear to me that he loves me so much. I don't ever remember feeling this way about anyone. Never so completely sure of how they felt about me. Just thinking about him makes me smile. We are both of the same mind. This is it. From now until we are both gone. We will see our way through our marriage. We are both dedicated to making this our last marriage. We both know that it is work to be married, and we'll do what it takes to keep it working. We both feel incredibly lucky to have found each other. He says so many wonderful things about me and to me. He is amazed that I stayed single all these years. Surprised that someone didn't snatch me up. He tells me I'm amazing, and that he doesn't know what he's done to deserve me. Honestly, I don't know what I'VE done to deserve HIM!! I told him I must have been waiting for him. I honestly don't have a better explanation then that I've been waiting for him. I don't know why I never found anyone before, all I know is that I am VERY happy that I didn't. Any heartache I've had in the last 17 years fades now, and was worth it. When he looks at me I can see that he loves me. It's amazing and wonderful. No matter how many times you hear it, it doesn't really hit home until it happens. It really does happen when you least expect it. It comes at you from some direction you weren't looking.
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