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August 31, 2006 - Thusday, 6:05 p.m.

Summer's End...

It's nearly the end of August. The summer has slipped past us and fall is right around the corner now. School has started up and life is dropping back into a schedule. I am having a hard time getting myself to go to bed and to sleep in the evenings, and in turn am having trouble getting up and into work in the morning. My days have shifted and I am often at work after 6 pm in the evenings.

I contemplated bankruptcy for a few moments in the past few weeks, but never long enough to actually go out and talk to a lawyer about it. I did however, contact a consumer credit counselor and am going to work with them to get rid of the credit card bills. I'll give them a hunk of money every month and they'll make my payments for me and eventually those will be gone. However, the remainder of my monthly funds is pulled tight and I'll need to really evaluate what I spend money on. I did what I needed to do here at work. I put together a job description for myself and for a tech that would work for me and gave it to my Manager. No word on that at all, and what with the change in our CEO there is no telling what is in the future here for me or anyone else.

I am hoping that I picked a legit consumer counselor. We'll have to see.

Curt's car died, my old Honda that Philip drove for a number of years. I swear, when it comes to cars the only kind of luck Curt has is bad luck. I am letting him drive my car for work. He needs to be making money of some sort. It is all overwhelming to me. I so wish I could just take care of all these things, but the fact of the matter is that I can barely take care of my own stuff, let alone all of the boys stuff.

I'm not asking to be rich. I am just wishing I had a tad more then barely enough. I was having this conversation with my sister, Charlotte. I was saying how the cost of living has gone up much faster then income over the last 40 years. I mentioned how when Mom and Dad were younger that money had more value then it does now. She didn't seem to agree with me. The just of it was (from my point of view) that the value of money is the same, we just all spend too much. We all live beyond our means. It doesn't seem to matter that Twenty years ago my dad was making more money then I am today. And I mean the ACTUAL amount. I am not talking about 1986 dollars compared to 2006 dollars. I mean the dollar amount period. It wasn't a conversation that I appreciated. It felt like she was telling me it was my own fault that my income is/was so low. That I had a 4 year degree when I went to work had no importance (as it wasn't a 4 year degree in an applicable field). Again, my fault for picking that degree, rather then something that would pay me good money. The whole conversation just pissed me off. Who ever said 'If you want sympathy, don't talk to Charlotte," was right.

Now I have this stupid "MASTER's DEGREE" that I'll probably never find a job with and AGAIN, I might have the piece of paper, but it's my fault for not finding some amazing job that'll pay me enough to get by. It's pissing me off right now just thinking about it.

This weekend is Labor Day Weekend. We have a three day weekend, and for that I am happy. I have Friday off as well; however it is for a medical procedure at the hospital. It isn't a tough procedure, but it will take most of the day. Hopefully, from the results we'll come up with a way to control my blood pressure AND get rid of my potassium deficiency, and then perhaps one less thing to worry about.

I have so much to do around the house, so some how I am going to have to make time to make things happen. I never did get all the work done in the yard that I'd hoped to get done this summer. I have a gazillion weeds and the sprinkler system never even got started. It'll have to wait until next year now. However, I do still need to do the patching of the brick on the house before winter comes. I have more to do then time or money can afford. I'm going to have to pick and choose what needs to be done. I wish I would have been able to refinance my house, but that is just another nightmare I'd really rather not dwell on.

I am thinking about taking a couple more classes up at UCCS. I am not sure why. but somehow I think if I can get my "Operations" certificate on my MBA that will help me find a job. The good instructor is back teaching the classes now, so that is good. Operations is really the stuff that I think I am good at, but who knows. At least I can take the classes and see if I am right. I need to have some confidence behind my abilities to really find another job. I'm not sure that 'throwing' more school at the problem is going to fix it, but it is something that I can do.

GAH!! I have about $900 to pay back to UCCS on the stupid student loan fiasco. It just boggles my mind that they'd delay paying out my final loan disbursement and STILL mess it up!! Student loans start paying back in December. GAH!! I don't want to think about it all. My math is good enough to know that the income coming in minus the payments going out result in a negative number and that isn't possible. Ugh!! So I am going to have to come up with a plan B.

My younger sister's twenty-fifth wedding anniversary is next month. Wow. If I'd have stayed married I'd be coming up on my 25th as well. Wow. There is a celebration I'm never going to have. I sure am glad my siblings are going to get there!! My parent's 50th wedding anniversary will be in 2009. Not too many years now. Amazing!! Of course that means my 50th birthday isn't far behind that.

I think a cold might be creeping up on me... UGH!! So much of my family got sick after they got home from the lake. Mom's has lingered the longest. I'd hoped to skip the whole thing, but it isn't looking good right now.

Later. M.

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