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June 25, 2006 - Sunday, 1:06 p.m.

Too Much Drama...

You know, I hate drama. My world is calm and steady. Nothing bad happens and life is good. So when anything happens that upsets that balance it really bothers me. My nephew got married a couple years ago. His girlfriend (and later his wife) was pregnant. She delivered 2 days after the wedding about 2 weeks before her 18th birthday. Most of her pregnancy she lived with my sister. She had regaled us with stories of a terrible home life, where her parents were set on drugging her for something (being bi-polar) that she complained was nonsense. She was just a normal young lady to us. There was no discernable indication of the bi-polar diagnosis. We sympathized with her and quickly grew to love her. She was this sparkly wonderful spirit, a woman truly trying to find her way through young adulthood. She was earnestly searching for her place in the universe and she quickly became family. Now we, especially us sisters, are an amazing female support system. We listen, we try hard to give good insights and we love.

Things seem to be going pretty good until about 8 months ago. She started to voice concerns about Kyle. He didn’t have a job with benefits, she seemed to be concerned that he wasn’t living up to his potential and she talked about arguments. The arguments, as she told me, involved her becoming very concerned about issues and lots of yelling. She was very upset that Kyle wouldn’t ‘discuss’ things with her. I told her. Kyle hasn’t had anger like that in his life. He hasn’t seen fighting and yelling. If it were me, I told her, I’d shut down too if you were yelling at me. She pondered that, as though it was a very new thought, and voiced that she would try to take that into account.

Though we didn’t know it, the yelling never stopped. She continued to push him to ‘participate” in their ‘discussion’. He tended to walk away and tell her they’d discuss it LATER. Eventually she started taking swings at him and in one instance he held her off. Some how this event twisted in her mind to become her very vocal complaint of his ‘violent temper’. My parents, my sister, his parents tried to ‘counsel’ them as a couple. It didn’t help. Eventually they went into marriage counseling. She started embellishing every event in a manner that made her look like a victim and Kyle the perpetrator. It didn’t matter that she started every fight. She asked him to move out repeatedly, until he finally moved out of the apartment and back home. She then began to tell everyone how he’d just up and left her. Unbelievable. She became distant from Kyle in that she often disappeared in the evenings and often left Maleah with Kyle. A few weeks after they’d separated she called Kyle and told him that she was very ill and asked him to take her to the hospital. It came out that she’d slept with a couple different men already and one had made her ill.

She continued to be very vocal about his ‘temper’ and how she was ‘afraid of him’. She continued to drop off Maleah. Kyle had Maleah about 4 days a week, and was often called on her days to take Maleah, because she was ‘more then she could handle’. This went on quietly, for the most part, for almost 6 months. Suddenly two weeks ago, Kyle, at her request, went to pick up the end of his belongings from the apartment as she was moving. He picked up his stuff and started to head home, when he realized he’d forgotten one item. He went back to pick up a stool that he’d made in shop in high school, that my mother and father painted with Maleah’s name. She didn’t want him to take it, she wanted him to fix one of hers first. He agreed to fix the stool but said he was GOING to take his stool. He went upstairs and got the stool and headed back out to his car. She told him that she’d called the police on him, domestic violence. Kyle waited around for the police at his car. They arrived, talked to him for a few minutes and he told them what happened and of course was very calm. They sent him on his way and went to talk to her.

Wednesday morning of that week, she called Kyle in the early morning. She told him that she’d changed shifts at work from nights to days, had put Maleah in daycare and wasn’t going to tell him where she was. He was beside himself. That evening he tried to go by her mothers to talk to her. Though he could hear them all in the house, they wouldn’t answer the door. After a bit he headed home. The next day a restraining order was delivered (she’d filed for it on Monday). She said that she ‘feared for her life and that of her daughter’ due to his ‘violent nature’ and that he wasn’t to come anywhere near her, and that Kyle could have Maleah on the weekends. Wait. Wait. She fears for ‘her life and her daughters life’, but he can have the daughter on the weekends??!?! What, so she can party?!! She is asking for basically soul custody and decision making, with Kyle having limited visitation with Maleah!! Unbelievable. He got a lawyer by Friday.

My sister said she could have never asked my parents for financial help on this, but they volunteered. When she told my dad that she felt bad, he said. “What good is it for us to have this money, if we can’t spend it on the important things in life?” I am in total agreement.

We truly believe that there is something wrong with this girl mentally. She has created this world where Kyle is the devil incarnate (the same as her parents were two years ago) and that everything that has happened is all his fault. She is totally without blame in her mind. And I really believe that SHE believes this fantasy. I’ve known Kyle all of his life. He’s never been around any sort of violence until he married her. He doesn’t have an ‘uncontrollable temper’. He has a pleasant and sweet disposition, and truly if the was going to be threatening to anyone he would have been like that with his younger sister, who at times drove him crazy. He’s always loved kids and has had great patience with them. She is delusional. And I seriously believe that. She is unbalanced.

Her continued decimation of his character and now this has pushed us all over the edge of nice. She has a legal fight in store for her. I think she is going to try to get Kyle to ‘bargain’ out of court, but nope. She’s been lying far too long now; I wouldn’t trust her to keep her word for anything.

It is incredibly sad. We all loved her. We would have been in her corner all of her life. We would have stayed friends with her, even after a divorce, but now that is all over. She has burned a significant bridge in her life. She’s thrown away a lot. I certainly hope she realizes that there is something wrong with her and makes efforts to take care of it. It isn’t likely however, she continues to contend that there is NOTHING wrong with HER, it’s just the rest of the world!!

THIS is weighing on me heavily. Kyle is crushed by all of this. He loved her; all he ever wanted to do was help her and take care of her. He started doing that when she was 16 years old. He now realizes he can’t save her, but he can save his daughter and he’ll fight for her until his last breath. The man has done nothing to deserve this.

The unfairness of it all drives me crazy!! She continues to make up stories (oh, by that way we are all awful people in her mind!) and if these lies are believed the injustice of it all it going to be very hard on me, hard on all of us.

I’ve been in mental turmoil for a few weeks now. There are so many feeling that I need to sort out. I need time to think.

M.

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