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April 11, 2006 - Tuesday, 1:04 a.m.
I feel cold and tired tonight. Itís been windy the last couple of days, and the house is chilly. My project for school seems to be on a severe stall. I havenít had a chance for a follow up meeting, so I think I am going to have to make my project for school a PLAN for this project. I am going to go ahead and put together a survey for teamwork. I am going to figure out some good interview questions. Iíll talk about the planning of this project (or the lack thereof). Iíll also do some research on Teams and team building as well. I should be able to come up with a project that I can turn in. I canít believe how fast this semester is passing. Iím going to have to start thinking about a job.
Iíve had strange flights of thoughts this week. Out of the blue today I started thinking about what life is about. Iíve been thinking a lot about the cycle of life. And the thought that pretty much the destiny of everyone is to live for a blink of an eye, itís like a constant march of passersby.
Itís Monday. I had a nice weekend. The weather has been beautiful and the desire to just stay home and work in the yard is pretty high. My weekend was really busy. Friday night I made jambalaya for dinner and then Moon, Megan and I watched ďServing SaraĒ, which was a cute movie. Saturday morning I worked from 9 am until noon. Then I picked up L who needed to run errands. We grabbed some lunch and then ran around until almost 4 pm. Then I went home and made manicotti for dinner. D and her daughter came over for dinner and a movie. Megan came as well. Dinner was great and then we watched ďNarniaĒ. Sunday morning I had a Schools committee meeting at 9 am which went until noon and then I went to a Partylite Party at Dís sisterís house. That was enjoyable (and I bought some candles and a few candle holders). I went home and worked in the yard. I got two of the flower beds in the back yard cleaned up and got EVERYTHING Iíve bought so far in the ground. Kyle and Jeremy went and picked up some soil at Wal-Mart for me which was really nice. I worked until about 6 pm in the yard, and then came in and took a bath. Maleah and Kyle showed up and Maleah came and watched some of ďMadagascarĒ in my room, while I got ready for Feast. I headed off to Feast just before 7 pm. Feast was nice. It was good to see people. It ran late and was nearly 10 pm when I got home. I went to bed at nearly 3 am everything night (including LAST night), so have had very little sleep this weekend. I am sure that isnít helping my mood any.
Mark is back working in our cafeteria I hear. I havenít actually gone over to the cafeteria for weeks. I guess he said something to a lady in planning. He asked if I was still working there and whether or not I knew he was back. The answer was yes to both (sheíd mentioned to me that he was back the day before), but still I havenít gotten over there to say ďHiĒ yet.
Work has been a little stressful of late. There are a number of project that need to be completed and not nearly enough time in a day to get it all done. Friday I had a frustrating day at work. I have such a drive to make things consistent and very much want things to be done right. However, for the most part, the vast majority of people I work with donít give a rip about that, and it just really frustrates me. It was one of those cases of building something that we sell, and we mark it like it is one thing and really it is another. Marketing hates to go back to a customer (even if they only have samples) to correct it, so we tend to Ďgrandfatherí crapÖ andÖ anywayÖ the realization that I am the only one who cares about it upset me Friday. I pretty much let them know that Iíll just give them what ever build instructions they ask for if the system is set up for it, even if it isnít correct. I am tired of gate keeping everythingÖ It upset me enough that it took about everything I had to keep from crying at work, I had tears that I couldnít keep from falling, but I managed to control it. I was lucky that almost no one came up to talk to me.
I worked on a single project again today. I worked on it the last couple of days last week, and then was in Saturday morning again to work on it. My frustration level was pretty high by the end of the day. I didnít get out of there until 7:10 pm, and headed straight for school. I felt unreasonably stressed out, slipping in and out of being stressed and then very sad. By the time I pulled on campus it was already after 7:30 pm and I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to walk into class so I drove on and went home.
I have been worried about things. School is nearly over. I can hardly believe it. I am worried about my project. It isnít pulling together nearly fast enough. I know it needs to be handed in to the professor in the next couple of weeks. I really just want to be done, even though I am enjoying the subject matter in this class. Iíve been worried about money as well. (Whatís new??) Friday I picked my meds and then realized yesterday that they were missing. I looked EVERYwhere I could think, but couldnít find them. I was upset about that as well. It was $30 I couldnít afford to throw away. Throwing them away is EXACTLY what I did. I came home tonight (got home about 8 pm) and went through the garbage bags and finally found them. So I feel better about that. I know that I need to start looking for a job. I am tired of being worried about everything.
My blood pressure was high tonight. 158/110Ö NOT GOODÖ thatís medicated (though I was missing some meds, so didnít take anything today). Iíve taken some here now and hopefully itíll be better in the morning.
I have been on the edge of being sad for a few days now. Iím not sure what is causing it. Perhaps it is simply from not getting enough sleep. Itís 1 am already. I have a dental appointment at 7:30 am, so will be up in 5 hours. Gah!!
Sweet dreamsÖ M.