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March 02, 2006 - Thursday, 11:46 p.m.
AyyŠm-i-HŠ slipped by quickly. AyyŠm-i-HŠ is a BahŠíŪ holiday. They arenít Holy Days; they are really just the days that sit outside of the calendar. In the BahŠíŪ calendar there are 19 months of 19 days. There are 4 extra days every year and 5 extra days every 4th year (Leap Year). They are simply days to give gifts, see family and friends, be charitable, and a time to prepare for the Fast. The Fast lasts for one BahŠíŪ month of 19 days which is the last month of the year, immediately following AyyŠm-i-HŠ. We donít eat or drink from sunrise to sunset for this entire month. This is a time when we Ďremindí ourselves that not only does the body need substance, but so does the soul (in the form of prayer). It is not meant to be burden, but just a reminder. This month falls, around the world, on days and nights that are all very close to 12 hours long each. You donít start fasting until you are 15 years old, and you stop when you reach 70 years of age. You donít fast if you are ill (including pregnancy or nursing of children) or traveling. The end of the Fast coincides with the end of the year. New Years or Naw-Ruz falls on March 21st.
Due to my surgery I have found that if I donít drink water during the day I can hardly eat anything at all. You really need quite a bit of water in your system to digest food, and I am not able to drink enough water in the evening to help. Iíve tried to not eat and drink for the last couple of years (for at least a few days) and found that I wasnít eating enough. I thought about trying again this year, but found today that I looked exceedingly pale (a couple people commented on it) and felt a little light headed, so not a good idea to try to go without water. Still today I didnít drink enough water during the day, and therefore havenít eaten much today. I will have to do better tomorrow with the water.
The Fast is a good time of year to reflect on what you are and arenít doing and try to make some changes.
I have simply a ton of stuff to do for school between now and Monday evening. Our midterm is due then and I have stuff to read and write up on before then!! Gah!! Iíll need to spend most of the weekend doing that. It is stressing me out a little. I meant to try to work on it during lunch hour today, but I never had a chance to take a break. Work has been very busy for me for the past few weeks. There seems to be no extra time in my days.
The weekend was really lovely. The weather warm and I opened the windows for a couple days. I always forget how much I like being able to hear the outside noises until I open the windows. It makes me think of summer and the fresh air circulating in the room is nice. In a few more weeks Iíll open up the windows and leave them open until next winter. I donít know if I could ever stand having air conditioning in my house, I couldnít stand to have the windows closed all the time.
I tried to read my book tonight. I am about ľ of the way done with that reading. Itíll only take me a few hours to completely read what I need to in that book, but it just made me so sleepy and eventually I just closed my eyes and slept. I have been having such strange dreams lately, filled with people I know, but in situations that are highly unlikely to happen. I even dreamed tonight in the few hours that I slept. It was about a job in sales at like a radio shack, Iíd gone through the training at some previous time and was hoping to skip the cult-like training and actually get a chance to try to sell something, and that was mixed up with a dream about my family and a cross between summer school and our trip to the lake. Very Strange.
The house is quite tonight. The boys are either sleeping or doing very quiet things. Justin and Moon are at work. I should really just turn on the light and read some until I am tired again. I am worried about having enough time to finish everything. Additionally I need to find time to pitch my Ďprojectí for school to the head of my division at work. I need to set up a meeting with him in the next week. Iíll be glad to be done with this semester of school. However this is really a nice class to end with, as I am learning a lot and it looks like itíll help me figure out what direction to go with my degree. All good things.
I know Iíve said this a dozen times in the last few months, but I am really doing good with the idea of being alone. Itís starting to even shift to a place where I want it this way. So odd after so many years of wishing and hoping and being sad about how things have been going. It really is nice to be at peace with the way my life is proceeding. Iím not yearning at all. I guess I keep mentioning it because it continues to surprise me. I never thought Iíd get hereÖ and here I amÖ content at least with that part of my life. :o) Finances still continue to stress me out, but I try to focus on the thought that it will get better eventually.
I know Iíve just rambled tonight. Nothing terribly interesting, but Iíve been meaning to write for a number of days, I just didnít make the time. Though I am getting a little itchy for spring to set in, Iíd really like one more big snow fall. March came in like a lamb again this year. In the Midwest it pretty much follows the axiom of ďMarch comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb,Ē I seem to always think about that saying when March arrives, but it rarely starts like a lion here.
I seem to have a number of disjointed things to talk about tonight. There is just a lot of stuff skipping through my mind. I turn 46 this month. Iím over the threshold, closer to 50 then 40 now. I have a couple friends who are the same age as me. They are bothered by the thought of being closer to 50. Itís not bothering me too much. This month, however, will be filled with reflection (Surprise!! NotÖ). I seem to take any reason I can find to reflect on life.
The night is passing, I need to try to read a little bit more and then get some sleep.
Sweet dreams. Iíll try to get here a little more often.