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February 16, 2006 - Thursday, 12:03 a.m.

As I was driving to work this morning, I got to thinking about what I�d do if I could do what I wanted. I often have this �dream� of have a business; a business that would probably never make money, but would be enjoyable to have. If I could I�d go down and buy an old building downtown or on the Westside, one with big windows, a store front. And I�d redo the place. I put it book shelves, comfy couches and chairs. Small areas to visit, tables for 4 scattered around for drinking coffee, visiting or playing a game. There would be wireless available for people with lap tops. Books, tons of books, and you could just walk in, sit down and read, you could sit and read any book you came across on the shelves or bring a book with you. There would be quiet music playing and it would be warm and cozy in the winter with a nice fire roaring (gas flame preferably � that looks like a wood fire) and breezy and cool in the summer with places to sit outside in a courtyard with flowers and tree for shade. We�d sell a great cup of coffee, and teas. There would be baked goods you could buy, and perhaps hot soups and warm bread most days in the winter, and salads and fruits in the summer. It would be one of those places you just love to go and sit. I wouldn�t have to worry about selling coffee and food, or books. It would just be this great place to hang out. This idea has floated in my mind for years. It would be so fun to pick out all the furniture, and decorate the place. It would feel homey and welcoming. I could create that feel to the place. It would be so much fun.

You know, it�s worth a dollar to entertain those kinds of thoughts every now and then. I�ll spend a dollar on the lottery every now and then, just to imagine it could happen. Now, I realize there is a far better chance that Brad Pitt would stop by for lunch, then for me to win the lotto, but still you think, �Someone has to win.� What if this time it was me?

I noticed that Power ball is at $300 million. That is an unbelievable sum, and seeing as I was well into this thought process when I saw the sign, I thought. I should buy a ticket, but I didn�t. I completely forgot about it by the end of the day. Still, it was fun to entertain the thoughts.

I talked to my mother today. She called mid-afternoon. For some reason my cell number appeared on my Dad�s cell phone as a missed called, so she called to see if I�d called. I hadn�t, but she filled me in on their trip so far. I guess they went and visited Zion National Park, and then spent a day in Death Valley; neither of them had ever been there. She said they enjoyed both places. They then headed to Huntington Beach (near LA) to visit Mom�s sister, Peggy. They stayed there a couple days, and were headed to Arizona when she called.

She told me that she talked to one of my cousins in North Dakota. Laurie told her that Kathy and Steve were headed home from Houston. That is where Steve has been going for treatment of his brain cancer. I guess he isn�t doing very well. He�s hardly talking at all any more, not because he can�t, I guess, but because what he says is all jumbled up, and it doesn�t make sense, so he�s stopped trying. She says he is also sleeping a lot. This was their last trip to Houston. They will coordinate with the local doctors in Bismarck, North Dakota. But I guess the doctor there told Kathy, that �the Lord would be calling him home soon.� It was kind of a strange way for a doctor to put that, but still pretty clear what he meant. I think they�ve done all they can do there, and it is drawing to a close. Kathy doesn�t just fight the good fight, but she just about doesn�t accept death at all. Even with my grandma at 101, she was holding onto hope that grandma would pull through there at the end. She doesn�t let go easily. Steve couldn�t have had anyone better at his side through all this. She believed it was possible to beat it (and probably still does). If shear will power could cure a person she�d be capable of making it happen.

She�s been happy with Steve; it�s going to be hard for her to be without him. I hope if she wants company or someone to come that she asks. Breaks my heart and makes me sad. She did go into the marriage knowing that he was fighting this. She�d worked with him for about 10 years, and was there when he found out and has been a supportive friend, then girlfriend and finally wife. His girls are so young� that youngest near 14-15 years old, the oldest only about 21 or 22. Gah!! It�s going to be hard for them too.

It was a long day at work today. I got in about 8:30 and was there until nearly 6:30. Then Curt and I met Megan and Kevin at the restaurant where Kyle works (Megan and Kevin are his sister and Dad.) We had a nice dinner and visited with Kyle a lot. He�s been taking care of and trying to help M*q** since they were about 15-16 years old. She was into alcohol and drugs, and was often to a point of running away. He talked her through a lot of stuff and took her home to her family. He said, I�ve been trying to help her for a long time, but he knows now that he can�t help her (nor will she let him). So he�ll focus now on taking care of Maleah. That is where his focus is now. You can see when he talks about it that it makes him sad, and that he really fought giving up on her. He doesn�t really understand why she�s changed so much. He said tonight that she�s been terribly stressed out lately, and that she knows alcohol and drugs would �help� that go away, it would relax her. She�s used it before in her life to make her �feel better�. But if that is the way she is going to go then he is even more worried about Maleah. He is just going to work through this the best he can and make the best decisions for Maleah. Kevin said more then once tonight that he wishes he could figure out how to help M*q**. For sure he doesn�t understand the shift in her behavior, almost over night she�s decided that everyone in our family is against her. He said �And we didn�t do anything!� It doesn�t make sense. I�ll just keep all of them in my thoughts and prayers.

Would really be more fun to just go back to ponder my �business�� then dwell on this. However, in reality, it is LATE, and I should snuggle down under the covers and get some sleep.

Sweet dreams� M.