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February 14, 2006 - Tuesday, 11:47 p.m.
Today was Valentine’s Day. I went out to lunch with D. A friend of hers called her and asked her to lunch and told her to invite me as well. We went down to El Vicino which is an Italian restaurant downtown. He met us there and he paid for our lunch!! It was lovely and warm and we sat out on a table on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant in the sun. What a nice lunch!! It was a wonderful break from work.
I continue to be troubled by the things going on in my nephew’s life. For the most part it really does look like his wife, has decided she wants it to be over. She is convinced that this is 100% Kyle’s fault. I’m not saying that he isn’t at fault some (it takes two) but it’s crazy for her to think she isn’t doing anything wrong and he is doing every wrong. If she doesn’t want it fixed, it is never going to get fixed. He can’t be the only one working on it. I guess the counseling is going terrible. I suppose it is good for the counselor to have first hand experience as to what is happening (in case that information is needed down the road), but it is from what I can glean just a verbal attack session. But seeing as she is so completely convinced that thing are going to be better when she is on her own, and the counseling isn’t helping, my sister is going to quit paying for it. His wife has terribly mean things to say to Kyle (and does it in counseling as well). I never dreamed she would go down this path. She talked about wanting a marriage that would last forever. She seemed to have a positive outlook on keeping that on track – we even talked about how it wasn’t easy, that you had to work at it, and you have to want it to work and last. She was in total agreement. Then POOF! She was bailing. She asked Kyle to move out, but then she is saying that he ‘left’ her. It makes me terribly sad. She has become some person I don’t even know anymore.
Kyle was there when she wanted her parents out of her life (at 17 years old). They were ‘holding her back’ controlling too much of her life and they suddenly were ‘evil beyond compare’. She had awful things to say about them, saying they were these evil, evil people ruining her life. She just wanted 100% control of her own life. Kyle stood by her, through all of that. Now, at some point in the last six months she decided that Kyle was ‘holding her back’ and started talking like he was this ‘awful, worthless man’ – it is nearly the same things she said about her parents two years ago. So, she is thinking that divorcing Kyle will give her back 100% control of her life. Reality is, you never really have 100% control of your own life; someone or something is always putting demands on you. What we worry about now, is when the day comes and she decides that Maleah is holding her back. Hopefully if she ever gets to that point she’ll just drop Maleah off with Kyle and go do whatever it is that she thinks will make her happy, rather then taking it out on Maleah. All I can do is say prayers for all of them. I wish there was something that could help her, but I guess she has to want help (or at least acknowledge that she NEEDS help). That isn’t happening.
Since Kyle moved home, he comes by here often on his time off from work when he doesn’t have Maleah. I think it’s been better since he moved home. He seems happier, not so beaten down. He is coming back to being himself. He is such a good Dad. He is completely enthralled with Maleah; you can see it in how he talks to and about her, and how he is with her. This is very much a trait that I see in Kyle’s Dad and in my father. Never did see men that seemed to enjoy kids as much as my Dad’s family (his brother and my cousins) and Kevin, Kyle’s Dad. She’ll never find a better man then Kyle, and it is sad that she can’t see that. Some day she (and by then she probably won’t be his wife any more) will see him come into his own, and embark on a good life and happy marriage. I am afraid she’ll never find a way to be happy, which makes me terribly sad. I can seem to stop thinking about it. It breaks my heart.
It’s nearly midnight. I played on the computer tonight, with my son and daughter-in-law, sister, her nephew and his wife, and a couple friends of my sisters. It was very fun. Now I’ve crawled into bed, having the heating pad on my lower back, and am yawning like crazy. I should sleep good tonight.
Sweet dreams… M.