Spike on the River
Neal in Antarctica
Play a game?
< ? Colorado Blogs # >
February 07, 2006 - Tuesday, 12:34 p.m.
I found out in the last week or so that my nephew's marriage (of just under two years) is splintering apart. This makes me terribly sad, as I like his wife and hoped that it would all work out some how. She got pregnant before either of them were 18. Not very good planning, or perhaps a plan on her part that would result in her getting out from under the thumb of her parents. He stood by her through a lot of crap that happened in her life, and believed in her. This was relatively major stuff like her parents wanting her medicated for some mental problems that they were seeing and she was vemently denying and included stories of being put into the hospital for these problems that she claimed didn't exist.
She held herself together through the pregnancy, and they managed to convince her parents to let them marry, only days before their daughter was born. In the last few years she has been very vocal about how happy she is to be a part of our family and how lucky she feels to have the support. I am not sure when this shifted, but the arguements have gotten much worse in the last 6 months. My nephew got a pretty good job with benefits shortly after they married, however it was nights. He worked that job for a year, but she constantly complained that she didn't want him working nights. About 8 months ago he got laid off. She was happy to have him home for a while, but then wanted him to get another job with benefits. He looked and eventually found a place that would eventually provide benefits, but again, it was a night job. Though less hours daily, he was still gone at night and she was still upset about that. As he approached enough time at that company to get benefits she continued to push him to get off nights, so eventually he left that job trying to make her happy (as days weren't showing up in the future he could see there.) He's been working waitering since (back at the place he worked in High School and the beginning of their marriage. However this wasn't good either. I guess she tended to have a terrible temper and a sharp tongue. Now granted it would have been good if my nephew could have found a nice full time, day job with benefits, but those are hard to find for someone with only a high school diploma.
Recently she's started working at the place he originally worked with the benefits and will get those in a few months, but the marriage isn't going well at all. In marriage counselling she said she wanted him out of 'her house', and she has started staying out all night at other peoples house, some of which are men. This is all not good. My nephew is far from having a temper, and has never been around people who yell, scream and hit, until he married her. When she starts yelling he shuts down and hopes they can talk about it when she isn't so mad, but often it is never brooched again. Counselling doesn't seem to be helping... he's moved out of their apartment and gone home this past weekend. He is working to get into school for EMT training in hopes of one day morphing it into a paramedic and eventually a job with the fire department.
As she has such a temper, I am worried about their daughter and hope that my nephew will get at LEAST 50% custody, though 100% would be better. She needs to deal with the mental issues. She's changed into a person we don't know any more. It breaks my heart. I know inside her that she is sweet, but she has to fix the Jekyl and Hyde thing before there is any hope of her being happy in life.
This has weighed heavily on my mind. There is very little I can do, but pray for them, and hope that it will work out the best that it can.
Now, on top of this, late last week my son had a traffic court appearance, that was going to be the end of his points on his drivers license, and was compounded by court ordered driving school and community service that he'd neglected to do. He went into court on Friday, knowing there was a good chance that he'd have to go to jail for 5 days for that. Well.. THAT happened on Friday. My daughter-in-law was terribly worried about him. She wasn't angry at him, which I was glad to see, but just worried about it all. I don't know if she was worried that perhaps they'd find some reason to keep him there longer (which doesn't happen here in the US very often, but she is from Mainland China). I am sure that my son will readjust himself and be more conscious of his driving (speeding) and making sure that he does what needs to be done, instead of putting it off. I figure it must be what he needed to get that in his mind, and in all honesty he took it very well and in the same light. He wasn't 'mad at the system' or complaining about it being 'unfair' or 'wrong'. He seemed to feel like he deserved it for not doing what he was suppose to do.
We'll be glad to have him get home, I am interested to see what kind of impact it'll have on his actions from here on out.
SOOOooo... my son missed my mother's 70th birthday party, which was at a hotel this past Saturday. I did the centerpieces for the various tables in the room and the powerpoint presentation on my mothers life. Looks of late hours end of last week, but I was pleased with the results.
Last night my mother called me, Hamp passed away yesterday. I think I have mentioned Ruth and Hamp before. I think I'd mentioned that he'd gone into a nursing home and that it has been very hard on Ruth. I guess he had an accident of some sort at the nursing home, and died on the operating table. Ruth talked to him before he went into surgery, and he was ready to go. She seems to be doing okay with it, I am hoping that she'll be okay. Hamp has been a huge part of her life... well.. most of her life. They'd been married over 60 years.
I actually wrote this all yesterday afternoon. And still more to say today... but hopefully I'll get another entry in this evening...