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December 31, 2005 - Saturday, 2:08 p.m.

New Years Eve Day...

Once upon a time New Yearís Eve was an evening of introspection, like I need another day of introspection. :o) Itís a time to look back over the year at what worked and what didnít. Itís a time to look ahead and think about how to change the things that didnít work. Itís been quite a year, though nothing too spectacular. I have moved into the homestretch of my degree. Work seems to have floated to the top of my focus. Phil came and went. Tim never even showed up, but went as well. At least Tim was an improvement on Phil. He was gracious in his interaction with me, and if his circumstances ever changed heíd be worth pursuing. Perhaps I am starting to figure something out.

Itís time to turn my focus on finding a new job. I am not sure that I am really MBA material, nor whether or not I am going to be able to find anything employing the degree. I do know however that Iíll figure out a way to make it all work financially, even if that means two jobs for a while. Thank goodness my health is pretty good and I seem perfectly capable of working on little sleep. One of the companies I was hoping I might have a chance with is looking like they are moving their design work offshore. They seemed to have lost a number of people from their Phoenix offices; so much for that idea. I keep thinking that if I do get a second job I am going to look for something with the possibility of tips.

I feel like I am falling behind on stuff. Iím not sure what, actually. But it Ďfeelsí that way. I need to clean my house, go through the mail, probably some laundryÖ but here I sit. I donít feel like doing anything. I keep getting a headache, which makes me just want to sit here, and maybe sleep.

Earlier this week I went and saw ďNarniaĒ. I know Iíve already mentioned that, but I canít stop thinking about it. I bought the soundtrack. I really like Alannis Morissetteís song, ďWunderkindĒ, on that album. Narnia and Middle Earth swirl together in my mind. I canít help think about one without thinking about the other. I took a class called ďFolk Lore, Myth and Fairy TaleĒ when I was in college 25 years ago. In that class we studied both the Lord of the Rings and the Chronicles of Narnia. We found that both authors were very thematic, and they were also Pub buddies. Theyíd often get together with some others, have a beer and discuss the books they were writing. They have a number of common themes, though are two completely different stories. In that class we discussed thematic ideas from works like Danteís Inferno, Paradise Lost, Pilgrimís Progress and how they all borrowed from the Bible. The Christ parallel in the Narnia books is much more obviously written. There is no doubt in anyoneís mind that Aslan is the Christ figure of that series, and he is very much modeled after Christ. In Lord of the Rings, it is less obvious that Gandalf is the Christ parallel. Yet that parallel is there.

It all makes me think about the process of writing, and how much help it must have been for them to have a place to bounce their ideas off of others. Both of their series, as well as the Harry Potter books, make me wish I could write something that would really strike a cord, even if it were just for me. I so like that idea of creating a world and then writing about it. McCaffrey does the same thing. These types of books just suck me in, and so make me daydream about writing.

Did I mention that the personal trainer called me this week? Probably not, as I am not looking forward to the sessions. I guess my personal training sessions had to be done in a six month period, some how I had it in my mind that they were good for a year. Any way, Iíll be meeting with her three days a week for the next two weeks and then 2 times the following week. Iíll not have used up all my sessions, but theyíll expire January 19th. Just as well. Iíll do one last ditch effort to get myself to the gym. I should be motivated to want to keep in Ďgreatí physical shape, but it really isnít a driving force in my life. It should be, but the reality of it is that it ISNíT. Going to a gym, just really isnít that fun. I like the pool, but not enough to get in their regularly. I think it is probably best that I just try to do the things that I enjoyÖ walking, hiking and riding my bike. Not that I make a lot of time for that either. Come on, I am 45 years old, Iím not likely to change how I operate, and I really am okay with it.

Iíve had a number of strange dreams in the last few weeks. It seems I am either trying to find the path through (like my design work) or I am literally running around trying to accomplish tasks like in World of Warcraft. They end up being restless nights of sleep.

I heard from my doctorís office on Friday. I guess my ultrasound showed that all my organs look normal. Surprise! Not. My guess is they are never going to be able to figure out what happened a few weeks ago. They arenít done checking yet though, guess Iíll get a CT (cat scan) of my lower abdomen in the next week or so. Am guessing thatíll look normal too. Ah well, guess Iíll chalk it up to a digestive tract virus of some sort.

GAH!! How is it that I can feel so incredibly restless and just sit here? I know it is the headache, but still. The house is so quiet. Itís already 1:30 in the afternoon, but I think everyone in the house, except me, is asleep. I need a shower and I should strip my bed and wash the sheets.

There is much more pondering to do this day, but first I think Iíll take a nap so this Advil can work.

LaterÖ. M

Happy New Year.

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