Newest Entries
Older Entries
Contact Me
Diaryland

Get your own diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry Favorite Blogs...
DefectiveYeti
The Bleat
WilWheatonDotNet
Spike on the River
Neal in Antarctica
Leah's Blog
CamiSue's Blog


Other Links...
Play a game?
CNN News
Trekky Spot
WOW
< ? Colorado Blogs # >

previous - next

December 08, 2005 - Thursday, 10:56 p.m.

This is what there is...

It�s already Thursday night!! This week has slipped by in a blur. I had class on Monday night, but have worked every night until at least 6 pm. Last night it was almost 8:30 pm when I left, and tonight it was 9 pm!! I�ve been working on a project. I�d hoped to be done with it in a couple days. It�s nearly done now. Thank goodness!! I wrote one of my short papers the night before last, and last night I read the reading for the last short paper. Then the long paper this weekend, and study for the final on Monday night!! I�ll have a take home to finish by the end of next week. I can see the end already.

I�m not sleeping very well. I have been up well past midnight every night this week. I�m exhausted tonight, so perhaps I�ll fall asleep by midnight. That would be nice. It�s been terribly cold this week. An aberration for here!! It�s hovered around zero all week, and hasn�t gotten above freezing since the end of last week. Amazing, the snow is staying on the ground. It reminds me of Minnesota. It�ll warm up soon and Colorado weather will return.

It�s been an interesting week. A lady from work has come by my cubical and talked to me a couple of times this week. She�s talked about a long distance relationship that she was looking to end and was struggling with. We talked about relationships. It�s strange that I am where I am right now. After 13 years of wishing and hoping for a relationship, I think I am content with my life and I guess I am ready to let that all go. It isn�t making me sad, which is odd. It just feels� hmmmm� I guess pointless. I�ve so many things I�d still like to do before I�m done here. I figure I have about 40 more years, which amazingly enough puts me over half way through my life. (Most likely).

I have a lot of things I�ve been meaning to do in my life, and there is no time like the present. I have a great number of books that I�d like to read, some are fantasy/science fiction, but a large number are historical books, a number on the history of the faith. I�ve piles of books and it�s kind of a strange thought, but really there are so many books in the world, no one could even get close to reading them all in a life time. You just have to do the best that you can.

I am lucky. I really do like my own company. I like the quiet times in the evening. I love to be able to do whatever I want to do with my free time. I can stay up half the night or crawl into bed at 6:30 pm. I watch what I want to watch in the evenings, and if I want to watch TV until 3 am, no one says anything. I can clean like a mad woman, or just let it stack up. Many nights I don�t make anything for dinner. Often I eat very little in the evening and no one is busting my chops about it. It�s nice to have that freedom. I spend my money on what I want, and no one yells at me because I�ve spent too much on movies, books or candles. :o) If I want to game until 2 am on a work night, no one even notices. It�s nice. I can go hang out with who ever I want. I love having people stop by and visit some evenings. It�s almost always family, but that is who I want to see most of the time anyway. I like having Maqui, Kyle and Maleah come by, or Megan, Camille, or Char or Lynn or their kids. My kid�s friends� who ever. I like controlling my little piece of the world. You know, I�ve spent a lot of time in the last decade thinking about what I�m missing, I think it�s about time to think about the good things that come with being on my own. That�s where I am.

In a lot of ways Phil pushed me here. Some how I thought I was missing so much, but I really wasn�t. Sitting around hoping someone will call you or care is really wasted time. This IS my life, and I do like it, just as it is. I never thought I�d get to a place where I�d be okay with going on from here until the end on my own. I think I am there.

I�ve really been thinking about this for the last few weeks. It�s settling into my mind. As it�s begun to settle I�ve found myself working a lot. I guess I made a decision at some point in time that I�m going to throw myself into my career. It�s going to be a big hunk of my life (especially time wise). I�ll end up one of those people that is either working until all hours of the night or completely wasting time doing stuff like watching movies or playing on the computer.

This is my life and it�s slipping by far too fast to spend so much time wishing things were different. I just need to live my life�

Sweet Dreams� M.

0 comments so far

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!