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December 01, 2005 - Thursday, 11:30 p.m.

Projects and possibilities...

Itís been cold this week. If you look out the window it looks like it should be warm. The skies are clear and the sun shines, but the temperatures have been terribly low. Iíve been cold in the evenings. Last night I thought Iíd never warm up as I tried to fall asleep. Itís warmer in the house tonight.

Work has been so busy this week, Iíve enjoyed the pace. So much to do every day, projects in the works. I mentioned earlier that the VP had given me the task of writing up what I am seeing as issues, acting like a consultant, asking questions and coming up with some projects that need to be done. Today I came across a couple of projects that really need to be taken on, so I have something to start with. I ended up being able to help the person in marketing, and began to collect information on just what needs to be done, to make her job easier. She has tasks that should be simple, but because of a lack of a system to collect the information, something that should take 10 minutes to do is taking hours, and some times she is unable to accomplish the task at all, due to lack of information. Itís exciting to see an avenue to create a possible position within the company I am working at.

Itís continued to been a pretty good week, my outlook is much more positive, and for the most part I am feeling good. The problem is at night, it's basically a problem of not wanting to go to sleep. Usually I am tired, and I suppose if I just turned off the lights I'd probably fall asleep, but I don't do that. I just stay up until there isn't anything I can do but fall asleep. I usually sleep good, but I'm not getting enough... it seems that I'll do the 1 am - 2 am thing for a number of nights, and then I'll have a night when I seem to fall asleep at about 9 or so, and I guess making it up.

I guess my big epiphany in that last week or so has been the realization that the kind of man that I want in my life isn't the sort that I have attracted toÖ Well most of my life. For the most part, all the men in my life have needed me to take care of things and make things happen (other then my dad). I realize I don't want that. I am tired of being the person that does it all by myself. I want to be PART of a team, not a team leader. This shifts my mind set into a different place. For beginners it'll change the sort of man I am attracted to. I really want someone that is strong and very capable of making their own life happen. I want someone that is a self starter and therefore would pursue, rather then waiting on me to pursue them and MAKE it happen. Really, if I am ever going to find someone that I am going to be happy with it'll be the sort of person that calls ME, and ASKS me out, not one I have to do it all for.

It seems to me that if I am starting to be attracted to a different sort of person, that this is progress. That really there is a major shift happening in my life, it feels right. Itís nice, it feels like progress.

Iím hoping I can fall asleep soon. Itís almost midnight.

Sweet Dreams. M.

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