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November 26, 2005 - Saturday, 12:45 a.m.

Tick, tick...

Itís Friday, of a four day weekend! Dinner at Charís was good!! She made a lot of food! I am sure she is tired today! Her kids came home with me. Mariah is playing Sims2 on the PC and Dakotah is sleeping still. The house is quiet.

It was such a busy week at work. I know it was only 3 days, but it seems like I managed to squeeze 5 days of work into it. On Wednesday I sent Phil an email wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving and hopes that heíd have a good weekend. Interestingly enough, he showed up in my cube almost as soon as he read the email. He thanked me for the wishes, and delivered the two books I loaned to him, with an additional book for me to read. He sat and visited for probably Ĺ an hour. This man is almost impossible for me to figure out. For the most part Iíve stopped trying. I am sure that he didnít bring those books into work on Wednesday because he road in motorcycle to work. He must have brought them in on Monday when he came in his truck. Iím guessing heís been trying to figure out how to come by and drop them off. It seems I needed to Ďopen the doorí again for him. He let me know that he hasnít seen the new Harry Potter movie yet, though he tried over the last weekend with his son, but it was sold out. He told me he is going to hang around home all weekend, not doing much. Donít know what to do with all this information other then just continue on as usual. Itís made me think about him again, but I donít see that pursuing anything is worth it.

I talked with Moon last night. She didnít go to Thanksgiving dinner with Justin and the boys, and didnít come up to WP with Philip. Iíve been concerned that she isnít happy. When I got home from WP, I asked her if she was okay, but it was obvious that she wasnít even though she said she was okay. I kept asking, trying to get her to talk to me, and she finally did. I hugged her a long time and talked to her, and she cried and talked to me. It breaks my heart that she is so sad. She is struggling with her place in the world, and trying to figure out her value. She is lonely and not enjoying her work. Amongst all that I had to say to her, I suggested that we go back to the gym; that itíll help her feel better, and I need to do it too! I truly can not imagine how difficult it would be to be so far away from home and the familiar. She has done a wonderful job of acclimating; however she is missing the friendships of her girl friends. I am hoping that the cry has made her feel a little bit better; I know that it can certainly help.

Iíve three more days of Ďtime offí. Iíd really like to do something fun. Not sure what that is yet. I really need to go by and visit L and family. I know she is missing the fact that I am not dropping by unannounced any more. Iím not even dropping by announced very often. Where it was very easy to drop in on L by herself, it is not as easy now that she is married. Iím sure I could do it, but I am not as comfortable with it. There just is no way that I can visit with her the way that I have in the past if T is around. Though I am relatively quick to tell people about myself, if they ask questions, I am not comfortable with visiting with strangers, not about what makes me tick any way. I certainly canít talk about things I am struggling with or worried about. I am very slow to really give some one a windows view into Ďwhoí I am. The fact that I am really pretty much a quiet and private person becomes apparent I am sure. Even with L it took me years to find a way to talk about the things that were bothering me, or fears about myself or my situation of the moment. I guess I am not too good at letting people in, which might explain why I have so few really close friends.

It is pretty easy for me to express myself in the written word. I can put together a paragraph about how I am feeling or what I am worried about, but I find it very difficult to verbalize it. If I am sitting there in person, I could really want to share what I am feeling and the words will just catch in my throat, and they donít come out. It happens to me a lot and even with my sisters and L. Sometimes I just simply can not say what is in my heart. I guess that is one of the reasons that I found my relationship with Phil to be so interesting; with him I did very often say what was in my heart. I know Iíve said that a number of times, but I am sure it wasnít clear just how amazing that really was to me and why. Anyway, I would hope that if I ever do meet someone and get married, that Iíll be able to share with them what I am thinking with relative ease.

It looks to be nice outside. The sun is shining. Perhaps I should go out in the yard for a while.


Gah, my afternoon was sucked into Sims2. Ugh!! Not going to do that again. It's wasn't even that fun. My family is miserable. :o)

Moon and I worked on cleaning this evening. We got alot done. It was a nice evening, and she is doing MUCH better tonight. It was a nice evening.

It's nearly 1 am on Saturday now. Definitely time to get some sleep.

Sweet dreams. M.

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