Newest Entries
Older Entries
Contact Me

Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry Favorite Blogs...
The Bleat
Spike on the River
Neal in Antarctica
Leah's Blog
CamiSue's Blog

Other Links...
Play a game?
CNN News
Trekky Spot
< ? Colorado Blogs # >

previous - next

November 16, 2005 - Wednesday, 9:51 p.m.

Thinking... and pondering...

Itís been dark the last couple of nights when I left work. It always seems odd to go home in the dark. It seems the days are already getting shorter. I suppose that makes sense, we are well into November already. Tonight as I was walking out to my car, I notice Phil had started his truck at the other end of the lot. I know he saw me; he even took an extra look as he passed by me while I was unlocking my car. I donít know what he is thinking, but Iím sure he didnít give it an extra thought after he left the parking lot.

I have felt lazy the last couple of nights. I donít want to DO anything. Last night and tonight I laid in the bathtub and read. Itís quiet and warm in there. No one seems to bother me. Itís been that way all my life. When I was a teenager, my sisters didnít bother me either. It was a nice quiet place where no one bothered me. I find it is VERY relaxing. My blood pressure is at its lowest after I get out of the tub. I finished off the book Iíve been working on half heartedly. It was a number of short stories on the ĎFirst Fallí in the Pern books by McCaffrey. Iím now ready for another novel, but I think Iíll wait until the semester is over.

Work has been terribly busy. There are a number of projects on my plate and not enough time. I have to do a paper this week and a presentation for class Monday night. Itís been a good week for getting up on time. Iíve gotten into work around 8 each morning and headed home after 5 pm. Iíve not slept well, a number of wakeful evenings. Monday night I had class and was up until nearly 2 am. Last night it was well after midnight before I fell asleep. I am tired tonight, but restless. Iíll have all my hours in by noon on Friday, so either I can work a little overtime, or head home.

Iíve gotten tickets for ďHarry PotterĒ for the 10 pm show on Friday night. Itíll be just Megan, Moon and me. I am looking forward to it very much!!

I know Iíve been quiet a lot lately. Seems a lot of things are on my mind. Monday, I had my meeting with Rod. He is my bosses-bosses-boss and a VP. I worked directly for him when I was in Planning five years ago or so. It went well I think. He is very open to trying to see where I might fit in with my new degree. He doesnít really want my eighteen years of experience to walk out the door. He asked me what I thought I might like to do. I told him, that I wasnít sure, but felt that Iíd probably be happier managing projects rather then people. He told me that project management has been an issue from his point of view and is something that heíll be looking at in January or so. He said heíd like to hear my ideas on things that need to be taken care of in his organization He said heíd like to hear my opinion. He also asked me to spend some time thinking about what I really like doing and feel I am good at, and think about it in regards to project management. He said I should look at this as though I was a consultant walking into the company. Ask questions, write things down. And then write something up on it for him to read. This will help me whether I stay with the company or go on to something else. It is really a time to pull together my thoughts on where I am going from here. I really felt like he was open to the idea, but really wants to see Ďwhat I am made of.í That works for me. Itís certainly something to work on over the next few months.

Iíve been reading the ďSeven Valleys.Ē I read a little of it every day. Iíve been reading it out loud to myself. I find that I Ďlistení better when I speak. Iíve always thought that Iíd really enjoy reading to someone else. I know that when L was in the hospital a few years back, I would go by in the late evening after her daughter was asleep and read to her. I think I read 3 books to her there. I read a novel to my kids when they were younger. My sister has read to her husband most of their marriage. Theyíve read a lot of books over the 24 years. ANYwayÖ Itís been interesting to read. It basically tells of the journey that we make to our spirituality. It was revealed by BahŠíuíllŠh and is very mystical. There is much to interpret and gives one much to think about. The Seven Valleys one progresses through are (in order): The Valley of Search, The Valley of Love, The Valley of Knowledge, The Valley of Unity, The Valley of Contentment, The Valley of Wonderment and the last valley Ė The Valley of True Poverty and Absolute Nothingness. In the Faith investigation of the truth is an individual responsibility. We need to read things and figure out what it means to us. We often talk to people about what we read, but mostly we are left to apply it within our own hearts and minds. Iíve read bits and pieces of this all my life, Iíve probably read the whole thing before, but it feels like I am reading some of it for the first time. Iíve always tried to figure out what Valley Iíve progressed through in my life thus far. I can see pieces of the first three in my life, but it doesnít seem like Iíve actually gotten through ANY of them. Itís beautifully written, almost like a poem. In my reading, thus far, I have gotten to reading the 3rd Valley. I suppose in many ways, the reason I have such a connection to the idea that our life is like a journey, comes from reading this book.

Iíve also been trying to say my prayers regularly. I donít seem to have much discipline and I am working on that. Iíve been pretty good the last week. In Ruhi, one of the quotes weíve memorized keeps creeping into my mind. ďBring thyself to account each day, ere thou art summoned to a reckoning.Ē To me this says, ďReview each day. Have you made the most of it? Have you done the things that you should? Are you proud of this day and what you accomplished? If not make tomorrow better.Ē This is a good idea to do daily, as no man knows at what hour he will die.

Iíve been trying to do that.

I am tired tonight. I can hear the kids and smell food cooking. Curtis came by a few minutes ago and asked, ďWhatís for dinner?Ē I said, ďWhat are you making?Ē I donít think he is the one cooking in there, but now I think he is helping. I just started smelling the food a few minutes ago. The TV is on in the living room and I can hear the rumble of the bass from Curtís room. They sound to be arguing, but whenever I say something about it, they ALWAYS say, ďWe are just talking!Ē I donít know that Justin is home from work on his break yet, but Moon is probably cooking something for him. I havenít eaten tonight, and I imagine that I should. Itís nearly 10 pm. Itís nice and quiet in my room, and Iím burning candles. Philís is almost gone. Only a few more times and Iíll be unable to light it any more.

Jim came by today and asked if Iíd gone to the blues jam lately. I said no. He asked why not, and I told him that I donít have anyone to go with. He agreed that going and sitting alone isnít much fun and he could understand why I might not go. He told me that heís quit the band he was in and has started one of his own. He said that the guy that ran that band was a jerk, and at least he KNOWS the jerk this time. :o)

Sounds like Moon and Philip are fighting, and Curtis is making noise. They argue SO much. I should realize that Philip just likes to argue, however I just donít. I like everything to be peaceful and calm. I like everyone to get along and voices to stay pleasant. That is how I am and I find contentment in the calm. My life will be terribly quiet once the boys all head out into the world. It isnít too many years away now. I donít know that Iíll really like that either. Looks like you just canít make me happy. :o)

Sweet dreams. M.

0 comments so far

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!