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November 08, 2005 - Tuesday, 12:36 p.m.

City Lights...

It was dark last night when I headed home from work. Rather then getting out on the highway, I just zigzagged across town. If you go across the far West side of town, there is a lot of open space, and almost no other traffic. I went along Old Gold Camp Road and then down 26th Street. What a gorgeous view of the city. Lights everywhere. There is something magical and soft about cities at night. Itís like all the mismatch of buildings, dead grass and bare tree are erased out of the vista and replaced with a soft black velvet with varying colors of lights twinkling all over it. It was truly an incredible view. It was warm out and as I looked at the vista I thought Ďthis would be a perfect night and view for a ride on a motorcycle.í I donít know why I think of these things. Iím never going to drive a motorcycle; I just want to ride, but no offers. I continued on through old Colorado City headed home, and my thought just drifted along that idea. I thought about a nice walk down the street peering in the windows of the closed shops, perhaps sitting down some place and getting something to drink and visiting. I really am not looking for complex things. I am just looking for someone that wants to be with me, but Iím not having much luck.

This whole ĎPhil thingí is fading. Last Thursday he walked through our area and notice me over talking to someone, then a little later actually came by, but someone was already in my cube talking to me, so he turned around abruptly and left. No calls, no emails. But it doesnít hurt. Iím disappointed in him and wish is would have been different, but it wasnít. Iím still here if he ever wants to talk, but other then that I am just letting it go.

Iím trying to think about my Ďcareerí and am actually going to sit down with the VP over my department and talk to him about possible career paths for me here. Iím working at setting up something this week. Iíve already told him that Iíd like to talk to him on it and he is open to discussing it. I donít think I am going to find anything in the range of salary I want, but there is no harm in trying. Hopefully this will turn into an opportunity for me.

I think I am settling into the way things are and finding contentment with what I have.

It was a quiet and uneventful weekend. I got some sleep and played on the computer a lot. I am continuing to enjoy World of Warcraft. However, I am going to need to think about some constructive things to do with my time, like reading.

Saturday morning I was up at like 5:15 am and got starting paying bills and cleaning my room. I didnít really do much other then that. I did take myself to lunch on Saturday after I got some of my blood work done. I didnít really go anywhere, no movies, no shopping, just relaxing for the most part and playing on the computer. Sunday morning it snowed for a little while in the early morning hours. I had my window open, I love the quiet of the snow and it smelled good. I laid in bed and read section two of the book for my online class, only one more section to go. The snow didnít stick and it was nice in the evening. I went to Ruhi on Sunday night. I am really enjoying doing that. It gives me a lot to think about.

I think the medicine for the depression is working. The first evening I took it, I actually got tired in the evening and went to bed. I was up early and felt rested. Itís been the same every night since. I am feeling a little more focused, and not putting things off. These are good things. Weíll see how it goes.

LaterÖ M.

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