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November 08, 2005 - Tuesday, 12:36 p.m.

City Lights...

It was dark last night when I headed home from work. Rather then getting out on the highway, I just zigzagged across town. If you go across the far West side of town, there is a lot of open space, and almost no other traffic. I went along Old Gold Camp Road and then down 26th Street. What a gorgeous view of the city. Lights everywhere. There is something magical and soft about cities at night. It�s like all the mismatch of buildings, dead grass and bare tree are erased out of the vista and replaced with a soft black velvet with varying colors of lights twinkling all over it. It was truly an incredible view. It was warm out and as I looked at the vista I thought �this would be a perfect night and view for a ride on a motorcycle.� I don�t know why I think of these things. I�m never going to drive a motorcycle; I just want to ride, but no offers. I continued on through old Colorado City headed home, and my thought just drifted along that idea. I thought about a nice walk down the street peering in the windows of the closed shops, perhaps sitting down some place and getting something to drink and visiting. I really am not looking for complex things. I am just looking for someone that wants to be with me, but I�m not having much luck.

This whole �Phil thing� is fading. Last Thursday he walked through our area and notice me over talking to someone, then a little later actually came by, but someone was already in my cube talking to me, so he turned around abruptly and left. No calls, no emails. But it doesn�t hurt. I�m disappointed in him and wish is would have been different, but it wasn�t. I�m still here if he ever wants to talk, but other then that I am just letting it go.

I�m trying to think about my �career� and am actually going to sit down with the VP over my department and talk to him about possible career paths for me here. I�m working at setting up something this week. I�ve already told him that I�d like to talk to him on it and he is open to discussing it. I don�t think I am going to find anything in the range of salary I want, but there is no harm in trying. Hopefully this will turn into an opportunity for me.

I think I am settling into the way things are and finding contentment with what I have.

It was a quiet and uneventful weekend. I got some sleep and played on the computer a lot. I am continuing to enjoy World of Warcraft. However, I am going to need to think about some constructive things to do with my time, like reading.

Saturday morning I was up at like 5:15 am and got starting paying bills and cleaning my room. I didn�t really do much other then that. I did take myself to lunch on Saturday after I got some of my blood work done. I didn�t really go anywhere, no movies, no shopping, just relaxing for the most part and playing on the computer. Sunday morning it snowed for a little while in the early morning hours. I had my window open, I love the quiet of the snow and it smelled good. I laid in bed and read section two of the book for my online class, only one more section to go. The snow didn�t stick and it was nice in the evening. I went to Ruhi on Sunday night. I am really enjoying doing that. It gives me a lot to think about.

I think the medicine for the depression is working. The first evening I took it, I actually got tired in the evening and went to bed. I was up early and felt rested. It�s been the same every night since. I am feeling a little more focused, and not putting things off. These are good things. We�ll see how it goes.

Later� M.

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