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November 02, 2005 - Wednesday10:42 a.m.

Doing much better...

I didn't go to Mary's last night for our study circle. I didn't leave work until 6:30 last night, so I really didn't want to leave the house again. I sat and played World of Warcraft until about midnight. Warcraft is WOW. It's an online multiplayer game. Camille plays it, Curtis and Justin and Josh... And Megan, and Greg... And... Well you get the point. I've been playing alone mostly, but will need to find a group to do some of the quests. :o) Iím already level 10. :o) It is a HUGE escape and I am enjoying it. Then I watched an episode of "Enterprise." I now have the first 3 seasons; only one more to go and I'll have the whole series.

I am seriously thinking about going to PPCC this summer (after I graduate) and looking at doing some teaching there. It would be so nice to have some extra money I think. Something to think about, and would be fun to stay in the school environment. Tim is teaching at ITT and really enjoying it. I think he is teaching one class this quarter. They asked him to teach two, and he said maybe NEXT quarter. He is really enjoying it. That is something that Elizabeth also recommended doing. She is hoping to teach at PPCC eventually.

Monday, I got a reply from Phil for the email I sent him last week, letting him know that Iíd noticed he was gone and was worried. His response? I'm doing fine. Just been real busy of late which is good. I'll try and catch up with you later in the week.

Anyway... I guess I am doing okay. I've immersed myself in 'fantasyland' and at the moment it is working to keep me from being depressed. I've got about 1/2 of my 'Phil candle' left to burn. In another week or so it should be completely gone. You know I AM trying to let this die a nice, quiet, peaceful death. He told me to brutally kill it, but I don't do that. I'll remain his friend, but am working at letting the 'love' and feeling part die, and it's happening, and not TOO painfully, which is good.

Not sure where my mind is, but can see that I'd like Tim to show some interest in me, but not pushing it. Really pretty much focusing on MY life, and what I want it to look like. Thinking about a new job, perhaps teaching some college classes, looking to traveling some (eventually). Really looking forward to being done with school. I'm not worrying about a second job until I am done at UCCS in May. That's helping. The boys are paying money to me, for money they owe me and rent. They are also paying for their own gas and car insurance. Which is great. That relieved a lot of stress just talking to them and then having them step up to it. They really are such good young men. I am such a blessed Mom.

I am just really in a nice comfortable place at the moment, which is great!! Not too worried about school, or anything, at least for today. Itís a nice feeling. I am going to talk to my doctor tomorrow about the depression, even though right now I am feeling okay, because Iíve just had too many episodes that have been really dark in the last few months. Better to just complete the thought with the doctor. I have to remember to do the blood work for the OTHER doctor this coming Friday.

Itís a good dayÖ hope everyone else is doing well.

M.

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