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October 09, 2005 - Sunday, 10:30 p.m.
The weather was really quite nice in Phoenix. It wasnít unbearably hot, but it was warm. I guess I am not sure what I expected it to look like there, but the mountains were much more barren then I expected and it was much more Ďfarm likeí then I thought it was. Though I am sure I wouldnít want to live there for a long time, I could certainly handle living there for a few years. As this is one of the places I have thought about looking for a job in, I was glad to find that out.
I read a couple more books while I was gone. I am definitely knee deep into Pern. I am enjoying these books very much. Itís a wonderful escape place. I love the premise of the world and the society that was created there. I like the people and interactions. I am very enamored with these books and the characters. I am well over half way into ďThe Masterharper of Pern,Ē and find that I VERY much like Masterharper Robinton. McCaffrey has done a wonderful job of character creation. I am definitely caught.
Today the weather has taken a turn for winter. The temperature is moving towards freezing and we have storm warnings in effect from midnight tonight through Tuesday. Itís been overcast, windy and rainy today. It definitely sets a mood and I am very much in that space.
I wish I could see the path before me better. It isnít very clear and I very much wish it were. I canít see where my job will take me. I canít see where my education is going to lead me. I donít know what to do about anything. I seem to be fumbling through it all. Perhaps that is how everyone goes through life, but it doesnít seem like it. It seems like itís only me. I spent seven days just not thinking about anything much. I just focused on absorbing as much as I could from the classes and turning off my mind the rest of the time. Iíd thought perhaps Iíd contemplate life or perhaps figure out what I want it to look like for the next year. But instead I just thought about Pern and the people there and avoided thinking about the things that have been worrying me in my life. I didnít think about getting a second job, or how I am going to find a new job that will utilize my new degree. I didnít think about what I am going to do with Phil or how I am going to accommodate my desire to listen to live music every chance I get. I didnít figure out anything!! It ended up just being some really nice down time, it is probably the reason I didnít miss anything. I didnít miss work, my friends, my house or my family. I just enjoyed being in this place were I didnít have to think or worry about ANYTHING. I didnít work out; I didnít watch what I ate. I just did nothing. I took today off as well. I slept late, rattled around the house, cleaned a little, ran a few errands, made some jambalaya for dinner, took a hot bath, and did very little else. I ate. Tomorrow I need to jump back into the things that I need to get done here. One thing is that I really need to drop a little bit more weight and tone up this body. I need to get back to the gym. Iíd like a couple weeks under my belt of going to the gym on my own and eating like I am suppose to before I go back to the personal trainer. I need to take control of itÖ. All of it. This past week in Phoenix has certainly made me tired of food. I am hoping that I can really take control of that in the next few weeks.
I need to focus on my school work this week as well. I have my first exam in my online class and I need to do that this week. It is three essay questions. I really need to get my life into some type of schedule. I have some things that I REALLY want to do and I need to plan out the things I want to accomplish.
The weather report says possible snow tonight. I wish it would snow like two feet so that I HAD to stay home tomorrow. I am still feeling pretty tired tonight. Iíd like to suspend reality for a little while longer if possible, though it isnít likely. I canít put my finger on how I feel tonight, actually for most of the day. I kind of feel disconnected, I guess. Like Iím not a part of anything, like I am just floating. Iím not specifically down, but it feels a lot like it. I think perhaps I need some sleepÖ Iím sure thatíll help make me feel better. I hope it does.
Sweet dreams. M.