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October 09, 2005 - Sunday, 10:30 p.m.

The weather was really quite nice in Phoenix. It wasn�t unbearably hot, but it was warm. I guess I am not sure what I expected it to look like there, but the mountains were much more barren then I expected and it was much more �farm like� then I thought it was. Though I am sure I wouldn�t want to live there for a long time, I could certainly handle living there for a few years. As this is one of the places I have thought about looking for a job in, I was glad to find that out.

I read a couple more books while I was gone. I am definitely knee deep into Pern. I am enjoying these books very much. It�s a wonderful escape place. I love the premise of the world and the society that was created there. I like the people and interactions. I am very enamored with these books and the characters. I am well over half way into �The Masterharper of Pern,� and find that I VERY much like Masterharper Robinton. McCaffrey has done a wonderful job of character creation. I am definitely caught.

Today the weather has taken a turn for winter. The temperature is moving towards freezing and we have storm warnings in effect from midnight tonight through Tuesday. It�s been overcast, windy and rainy today. It definitely sets a mood and I am very much in that space.

I wish I could see the path before me better. It isn�t very clear and I very much wish it were. I can�t see where my job will take me. I can�t see where my education is going to lead me. I don�t know what to do about anything. I seem to be fumbling through it all. Perhaps that is how everyone goes through life, but it doesn�t seem like it. It seems like it�s only me. I spent seven days just not thinking about anything much. I just focused on absorbing as much as I could from the classes and turning off my mind the rest of the time. I�d thought perhaps I�d contemplate life or perhaps figure out what I want it to look like for the next year. But instead I just thought about Pern and the people there and avoided thinking about the things that have been worrying me in my life. I didn�t think about getting a second job, or how I am going to find a new job that will utilize my new degree. I didn�t think about what I am going to do with Phil or how I am going to accommodate my desire to listen to live music every chance I get. I didn�t figure out anything!! It ended up just being some really nice down time, it is probably the reason I didn�t miss anything. I didn�t miss work, my friends, my house or my family. I just enjoyed being in this place were I didn�t have to think or worry about ANYTHING. I didn�t work out; I didn�t watch what I ate. I just did nothing. I took today off as well. I slept late, rattled around the house, cleaned a little, ran a few errands, made some jambalaya for dinner, took a hot bath, and did very little else. I ate. Tomorrow I need to jump back into the things that I need to get done here. One thing is that I really need to drop a little bit more weight and tone up this body. I need to get back to the gym. I�d like a couple weeks under my belt of going to the gym on my own and eating like I am suppose to before I go back to the personal trainer. I need to take control of it�. All of it. This past week in Phoenix has certainly made me tired of food. I am hoping that I can really take control of that in the next few weeks.

I need to focus on my school work this week as well. I have my first exam in my online class and I need to do that this week. It is three essay questions. I really need to get my life into some type of schedule. I have some things that I REALLY want to do and I need to plan out the things I want to accomplish.

The weather report says possible snow tonight. I wish it would snow like two feet so that I HAD to stay home tomorrow. I am still feeling pretty tired tonight. I�d like to suspend reality for a little while longer if possible, though it isn�t likely. I can�t put my finger on how I feel tonight, actually for most of the day. I kind of feel disconnected, I guess. Like I�m not a part of anything, like I am just floating. I�m not specifically down, but it feels a lot like it. I think perhaps I need some sleep� I�m sure that�ll help make me feel better. I hope it does.

Sweet dreams. M.