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October 04, 2005 - Tuesday, 8:53 p.m.

Friday was an incredibly busy day. I had so much to get done before I left for Phoenix. The day just FLEW by and I didn�t get it all done. I spent some of Friday evening getting my laptop loaded with all the software to allow me access to work. Sometime during the evening I came to find out that I had a committee meeting on Saturday morning!! So that ended up taking about all of the morning and part of the afternoon. Then I was off to birthday parties in WP. I had a nice evening visiting with my family. The dinner was good, the company even better. I ended up getting home and scrambling to wash clothes, pack and finish up the software set up.

I was up early on Sunday morning and finished packing and cleaned up my room. I came across the 4th Harry Potter book. This was one of the books that I�d planned to drop off for Phil on Friday, however I hadn't gotten the book back from my niece yet. So, on my way to the airport I went by work to pick up some papers I wanted to take with me and dropped off the book on my desk for Phil.

My flight was uneventful and short. Even though I had a window seat, I didn�t have a window, so ended up reading for the entire flight. Phoenix was warm and we got to the hotel by about 3 pm. My co-worker and I went out to dinner at �PF Chang�s� and sat and visited. That evening I wrote an email to Phil to let him know that I�d dropped off the book at my desk and that I�d made it to Phoenix fine. He managed to respond by the end of the day on Monday. But really had almost nothing to say other then that he�d pick it up, had finished the second book and probably wouldn�t get to the 4th book this week. He said he hoped I was having a good trip. I responded back, but no response today.

I don�t know why but today it�s finally sunk into my mind. This idea that things could possibly or might work out with Phil, it just isn�t true. This man has had a lot of opportunity to reach out to me, and he just isn�t doing it. For some reason today I am just okay with it and ready to let it go. Take a deep breath and move on. I think I am ready to stop thinking about him and hoping and wishing. Nothing earth shattering happened. Somehow I thought he was going to have to really hurt me again, for me to accept it, and it was really just a little thing that closed it in my mind. The lack of any substantial response from him on Monday and then the total lack of a response today, and then the realization that even the Monday response was made at the very end of his day. Like every time in my life before, I�m ending this in my mind, without a guy on the �back burner�. I don�t have another guy lined up. I am just working at figuring out how to incorporate the things that Phil started me doing, that I find I really enjoy. I�m not going to let the appreciation of live music slip away. I�ll finish up reading his books and then let it go at that. I�ve already purchased a number of books from the same author. I can add this author to the music artists he introduced to me years ago, as things I really like. It is really nice to know that I am going to be just fine. I am at peace with this decision.

We�ve now completed two days of training. So much information to absorb and hopefully we�ll think to ask all the questions. We�ll work on some projects tomorrow, where we�ll have the guy training us watching over our shoulder. The last two evenings have been quiet. I wrote up and handed in my paper for my online class last night.

I am going to enjoy this week of quiet refection. I�ll write more tomorrow. I am going to go relax for the rest of the evening.

Sweet dreams, all!!

M.