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October 04, 2005 - Tuesday, 8:53 p.m.
Friday was an incredibly busy day. I had so much to get done before I left for Phoenix. The day just FLEW by and I didnít get it all done. I spent some of Friday evening getting my laptop loaded with all the software to allow me access to work. Sometime during the evening I came to find out that I had a committee meeting on Saturday morning!! So that ended up taking about all of the morning and part of the afternoon. Then I was off to birthday parties in WP. I had a nice evening visiting with my family. The dinner was good, the company even better. I ended up getting home and scrambling to wash clothes, pack and finish up the software set up.
I was up early on Sunday morning and finished packing and cleaned up my room. I came across the 4th Harry Potter book. This was one of the books that Iíd planned to drop off for Phil on Friday, however I hadn't gotten the book back from my niece yet. So, on my way to the airport I went by work to pick up some papers I wanted to take with me and dropped off the book on my desk for Phil.
My flight was uneventful and short. Even though I had a window seat, I didnít have a window, so ended up reading for the entire flight. Phoenix was warm and we got to the hotel by about 3 pm. My co-worker and I went out to dinner at ďPF ChangísĒ and sat and visited. That evening I wrote an email to Phil to let him know that Iíd dropped off the book at my desk and that Iíd made it to Phoenix fine. He managed to respond by the end of the day on Monday. But really had almost nothing to say other then that heíd pick it up, had finished the second book and probably wouldnít get to the 4th book this week. He said he hoped I was having a good trip. I responded back, but no response today.
I donít know why but today itís finally sunk into my mind. This idea that things could possibly or might work out with Phil, it just isnít true. This man has had a lot of opportunity to reach out to me, and he just isnít doing it. For some reason today I am just okay with it and ready to let it go. Take a deep breath and move on. I think I am ready to stop thinking about him and hoping and wishing. Nothing earth shattering happened. Somehow I thought he was going to have to really hurt me again, for me to accept it, and it was really just a little thing that closed it in my mind. The lack of any substantial response from him on Monday and then the total lack of a response today, and then the realization that even the Monday response was made at the very end of his day. Like every time in my life before, Iím ending this in my mind, without a guy on the Ďback burnerí. I donít have another guy lined up. I am just working at figuring out how to incorporate the things that Phil started me doing, that I find I really enjoy. Iím not going to let the appreciation of live music slip away. Iíll finish up reading his books and then let it go at that. Iíve already purchased a number of books from the same author. I can add this author to the music artists he introduced to me years ago, as things I really like. It is really nice to know that I am going to be just fine. I am at peace with this decision.
Weíve now completed two days of training. So much information to absorb and hopefully weíll think to ask all the questions. Weíll work on some projects tomorrow, where weíll have the guy training us watching over our shoulder. The last two evenings have been quiet. I wrote up and handed in my paper for my online class last night.
I am going to enjoy this week of quiet refection. Iíll write more tomorrow. I am going to go relax for the rest of the evening.