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August 26, 2005 - Friday, 10:43 p.m.

I did it!!

Okay… well this week went by quickly for some reason. I have been fighting my cold all week. It never got worse really, but it still isn’t gone. This has been an interesting week. Phil's band's practice shifted to Wednesday nights, so that has pretty much nixed his coming over for a while. I told him Friday’s worked for me, but he didn’t have any open for a couple weeks. So… so much for that.

Thursday Camille needed a ride up to Castle Rock to meet Jodi (she was going up there for the weekend), so I agreed to take her up and was going to take a long lunch. Then Wednesday Johnny (the tattoo guy) called and said my tattoo was ready for me to review. I went by that evening after work and looked at the modifications that he’d made to my design. I liked it and we agreed that I’d come back on Thursday afternoon. So I decided that I would get up REALLY early and go into work in the morning and get most of my day done then, however Wednesday night my chest cold was really bothering me so I took cold meds and went to bed… well there was no getting up early the next day. So at about 9 am I called in sick to work and played hookie. I had lunch with my sisters, did a little shopping and then went over to Snake’s to get my tattoo done. I had to wait a little while and was hoping that Maqui would join me before I got started. However, something came up for her and I ended up getting it done by myself.

I have to tell you it really hurt. I mean, I knew it would hurt, but I guess I didn’t take into account that the body would consider it trauma and try to get me to stop. I sweat profusely and struggled with nausea, but it passed. It really never did stop hurting through the process, but still I just put my head down (literally) and went through it. Johnny did a fantastic job. Very little bleeding, I’ve had no blood and not any noticeable seepage since I left there. It looks beautiful. I am VERY happy with it. It turned out just like I wanted it to. It’s still a little tender, almost like a sunburn, but very tolerable. I can still hardly believe that I did it. And I know that my friends and family are very surprised that I went and did it by myself. I am holding onto my bravery well.

Thursday night I went with D and K to the jam. Phil showed up about 9-9:30. He was very surprised to see K and D and not AS surprised to see me. He visited with us and then later came back and talked to me for a bit. He played a lot of the third set. He did very well. I so very much enjoy watching him and listening to him play. I enjoyed the entire jam session as did K & D. K&D left about 11 pm, and I left at midnight. Phil walked me to my car.

He’d noticed that I wasn’t at work that day, as told me as much and said that he’d left the book for me in my cube and sent me an email. I told him I’d played hookie. When he walked me out to my car, he asked what I did. I told him I’d gone to lunch with my sisters and gotten a tattoo. He was surprised and asked how long I’d been thinking about doing that and I told him about 7 or 8 years. He’d said he’d thought about it, but it was more like following the crowd for him, as his brother has a number of them. I told him I was the first in my family. He didn’t ask to see it and I didn’t volunteer. Anyway… another thing for him to ponder I guess. Though perhaps it didn’t really make him think much. It is getting harder and harder for me to believe that he is going to ever change his mind. I know that really it is his loss, however, I really am feeling the loss myself, probably more then he ever will. I just really suck at givng up. I’ll probably hope until the moment there is no hope left to entertain. But for now, I am just trying to focus on school and thinking about getting the things that I need to get done, done.

Time to get some sleep.

Sweet dreams…. M.
Update - Taken one week later...

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