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July 28, 2005 - Thursday, 10:09 a.m.

Well, I am settling into the idea of being friends with Phil. Though I�d really like more then that, I truly have accepted that this is where he is at, and if that is what he can offer I�ll take it. Last night he came over for dinner. It was really nice.

You'd think I'd be in great mood, but I'm just in a strange mood. Lots of strange, strange dreams all night long.... the dream is quickly fading... I was probably asleep by 1:20 and was awake by about 5:30... pretty well up by 6 and out of bed shortly after that. So not much sleep.

It was a comfortable evening. He got there almost exactly at 6:30. The kitten had gotten out of the house and was peaking out of the garage. We stood out there for a bit and Phil caught him. I showed him around the house. He said "it's VERY nice, much more livable then my place." He wandered around looking at all the pictures on the walls in my bedroom. Later he stood looking through the books on the bookshelves in the kitchen. Then we went out in the back yard and I grilled the steak and chicken. He wandered around the yard... looking at the view and stood and visited with me. It was really just nice. We talked about a variety of things.

He helped me take the meat in and I got the food on the table and we sat down and had dinner with Moon, Philip & Curtis. Everything was good and the conversations were natural. We all talked about a bunch of different stuff and at some point we mentioned Mahjong. Phil was interested. It was something that he�d seen played a little bit in Belize, but didn�t� know how to play. So after dinner we went downstairs and played Mahjong with Philip and Moon. It was fun. We played until just after 10 when Justin came home from work for lunch. While we played Halfie hissed and growled at the kitten. She just doesn�t like him and is half scared of him.

I had thought that once we finished playing Mahjong and it was so late that he'd leave, but he wanted to watch the movie that he�d brought with him. We sat in the living room and watched the movie �Elizabeth.� He talked a lot about the background of the movie, it seems he must have some interest in England's history because he knew a lot outside of the context of the movie. He explained a lot of stuff. He's obviously been to the places in the movie, Westminster Abbey, the Tower... etc. I really appreciated that he shared it with me.

He left about 1 am after the movie was over. He gave me a hug and headed home.

I am glad that he is open to exploring a friendship with me. Either he�ll figure out that he wants more then that, or we�ll find that we are content with a friendship alone. In reality, the most important part of any relationship is the friendship that you develop. I have pretty well settled into this idea and am happy with this direction. It feels more realistic. Being a woman, I�ll have times when it�ll be hard to not sit and wish and hope for more, but I need to keep in mind that this makes the most sense.

I am restless today. I have my workout after work at the gym today. Need to keep on track with that. Have been keeping track of what I eat. Hmmm� I am pretty sure they are going to want me to eat more and probably differently. That is going to be hard. But I am intent on making this work for me. I really want to get to where I am feeling stronger and lose a little more weight. It is something very tangible to concentrate on.

Am sure I�ll go to the Jam tonight, probably by myself as Philip is starting a new job tonight and won�t be able to go.

Hoping I can let go of this restlessness soon� looking forward to my long weekend at my cousins next weekend. It�ll be a really nice break from everything� just sitting by the lake and visiting for a couple days. Heaven.

Later�. M.