Newest Entries
Older Entries
Contact Me
Diaryland

Get your own diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry Favorite Blogs...
DefectiveYeti
The Bleat
WilWheatonDotNet
Spike on the River
Neal in Antarctica
Leah's Blog
CamiSue's Blog


Other Links...
Play a game?
CNN News
Trekky Spot
WOW
< ? Colorado Blogs # >

previous - next

May 20, 2005 - Friday, 11:22 p.m.

Friday Afternoon in the Universe...

It's Friday afternoon in the universe… at least my universe. It's about 5 pm. I've had a couple busy days at work. I slipped away this morning, took my lunch, and went to the UCCS graduation at the World Arena. It's hard to believe that I am one year away from that. I sat by myself and watched the graduation and everyone is cheering and screaming for their family members as they got their diplomas. I started thinking ahead to my graduation; I am not feeling the excitement that I should for it. It's a great achievement, but it doesn't feel like that. It just feels ordinary. ::sighs:: I am sure my family will come… it's just… I don't know… I wish I were sharing this achievement with someone. I wish there was someone to get excited with about getting a new job and maybe moving, starting a new and hopefully exciting chapter in my life. But there isn't. I am definitely transitioning out of being a 'full time parent' into a single person.

::sighs:: I don't know. Big career was never on my agenda; I am not even sure what this part of my life is going to look like. I guess I am going to look for a job that has me travel. At least, perhaps, I can see some of the world. Traveling shouldn't be a problem. There isn't anyone at home that is going to wish I'd stay home more, or anything. I should be really excited about this, but it just looks lonely to me.

I have twenty more pretty productive years left in me, though probably at least 30 more years of working. I don't have high aspirations, I just want to make enough money that I when I die I don't leave debt as my legacy to my children. I don't expect to leave them much materially, as I don't imagine I'll have much, but it would be nice to know that I paid off everything I'd bought in my life, and was able to support myself until I died.

I'm in a sad mood again today. I've been in a sad mood for a number of days now. I am sure its being facilitated by my grandma and aunt's deaths. Plenty of time spent thinking on life and death, perhaps too much. I am really feeling pretty lonely. I need to put that aside and not think about it, but I am becoming more and more aware of the fact that I don't WANT to be alone anymore.

L was asking me whatever happened to Mark. I told her he just doesn't try enough. He isn't really THAT interested or he'd try to make things happen. I am not going to 'make' stuff happen in a relationship. I'll go out there, but if they don't meet me half way I give up. So that has just slipped away… which is fine. I'm interested in this other guy at work that I mentioned before, Phil. No idea at all if he is available to be interested, but at least he enjoys visiting with me. He plays the guitar and is in a band. I am going to go to Cripple Creek to watch his gig there next Saturday night. Eventually I'll figure out if he is interested at all in me…


0 comments so far

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!