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January 19, 2005 - Wednesday, 12:19 p.m.

Life! What's ahead?

School starts tonight. I’m actually glad to have the semester starting. Am sure there will be lots to do, but it’ll be good. I’ve been quiet for the last few days. Guess I’m just absorbing what I got out of the seminar and trying to see how it’s affected my life. I think I’ve probably already said this, but it was an amazing weekend. It was as though I met this group of people (27 others) and so many of then could hardly look you in the eye and by the end of the training they were transformed into people that could feel, hug and be open to what the world has to offer. It was truly amazing to watch the process. Over the weekend (starting on Wednesday) I spent over 40 hours with this group of people in the classroom working through things and just learning to look at things differently. I bonded with the entire group and wanted to continue this journey with them. The first class was actually called “Journey”.

The second class starts next Wednesday, and is called “Crossroad”. We’ll spend 60 in class hours. “Journey” dealt more with childhood type things, as well as just learning new ways to look at things. “Crossroads” will deal more with relationship type things, as well as AGAIN learning new ways to look at things. I renegotiated my commitments for next weekend. I will miss Friday night and Saturday of Winter School, but will go up early on Sunday to finish up with everyone and help with clean up. I’ll meet with another committee member to pull together the first class this Saturday in Lafayette (and then she will present the class). I’d also agreed to help with food for the 100 people that will attend Winter School and Curtis has agreed to step in and help the cook with that. I feel really good about the changes and am really happy to be able to give Curtis a chance to be of service. I’ve gotten the time off from work, so I am set to go!! I am excited and a little nervous about “Crossroad”, and am thrilled that I am going to be able to go through it with most of the same people I did “Journey” with. I’ve already decided that I’ll do “Horizons” as well, which is the last class in this series, and will work to have Curtis in the “Journey” class when I am going through “Horizons”. I know that most of my ‘issues’ will be addressed in “Crossroads”, as I really didn’t have much baggage from my childhood.

After going through “Journey” I can see the reasons for not talking about the process, as not knowing what is going to happen is really a good part of “Journey”. It’s what makes the experience so meaningful; it keeps you from having any preconceived notions. It was completely worth the time and effort and I’d recommend it to anyone that is trying to find his or her way. Really we have just as “little” information about “Crossroad” and “Horizons” as I had walking into “Journey” (nearly nothing). What they will say is that whatever we got out of “Journey”, we need to multiply it be at least 10, perhaps 100 and that’s what we’ll get out of “Crossroads” (which is really about all that they’ve talked about so far).

How do I feel different since the training? I can feel that I am more ‘present’ in my life. I feel more alive and have a greater desire to engage in life. I am thinking about saying my prayers and actually saying them rather then ‘trying’ to do it. I WANT to do things, like go to devotions and/or Feast. I want to participate in my religious life. It really feels good. Interestingly enough, I completely walked into this training to ‘be there’ for Mark. Now it is REALLY about me. I am excited for ME! I want to do this for ME! That is a huge shift. I have done so much in my life for other people. Doing what I think they want me to do. Being there for them. It feels exhilarating to be here for ME. This series of classes is worth it. It costs less then one semester at UCCS for me, and will be what will really allow me to make my MBA work for me and make my dreams come true. I don’t feel sad and I don’t feel lonely. I just feel a little bit more complete.

What is down the road for me? I don’t know, but I am excited about it.

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