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January 09, 2005 - Sunday, 1:22 a.m.

Wind in the Chimes

It’s January. It’s after midnight. The temperature is still at 50 degrees, which is really warm. The wind is blowing. The wind chimes have been ringing for nearly two days now. The wind gusts are approaching 40 mph, and I can hear the wind whistling and rattling the windows. It was windy most of the day, but it is really noticeable tonight. I suppose it’s because the house is quiet, or perhaps it’s because I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep.

This past spring I took a marketing class. The instructor assigned us to a group. I was a little bummed to find that I wasn’t in a group with anyone I knew. One of the lady’s in my group was named Rosie. She’s just a little older then Justin at 26. We worked that whole semester within our group and after a few rides home and visiting with her; I found that I enjoyed her company. We kept in touch through emails, IM’s and a few phone calls. She moved to DC at the beginning of the fall semester. She told me that she’d be back over the winter break and that maybe we could go do something. Well… that was last night and I was up late again. We decided to go to the movie and our plan was to go see ‘National Treasure’. I picked her up at about 7 pm and we were seated and ready to watch the show by 7:20. It was really a good movie. The premise, story, research and special effects all held together very well. I really enjoyed it. We wandered out of the theatre and got into the car, talked about going to get something to drink or eat and then suddenly decided to go back in the theatre and see another movie. We parked and went back in to see ‘Spanglish’. That ALSO was a good movie. It was really a nice evening. Not a lot of visiting, but nice to do something with someone. I believe we are going to go see ‘In Good Company’ next week. I love going to the movies. Always fun to have someone to go with.

I got home after midnight and like usual that house was alive with people. Justin took the night off from work. He and Moon were watching a movie, Curtis was on the PC, Phil on the PS2, and Kyle was here on break from work on the PC next to Curtis. I hoped to go to sleep, but I was too wired.

I played a little Gemstone, which is an online game. It’s actually a text based MOD. Very much like the old PC games where you’d read the room description on the PC. For instance, “You are in a room. There is a table against the far wall. Obvious Exits: North, South, East. You all see a chest on the floor.” Basically that’s what the game is like, except you often see another person in the room, who is playing the game from their PC anywhere in the world. It’s a pretty complex game with a very small community. It’s been around about 15 years or so, and I’ve been playing for about 8 years. Gemstone, like many other role play games is based on Dungeons & Dragons. You can pick a profession like cleric, rogue, warrior, empath, wizard, sorcerer or ranger. You also pick your race, from races like elves, giants, dwarves, humans, etc. The game is set up to do the dice roles for you and it takes into account your stats, and the stats of your weapons, armor, etc. In a fight it will also take into account the stats of the critters you are fighting. One of my characters is Maliestra and she is an empath. The name I made up eight years ago, when I created my second character in the game. I role played her for a number of years and really that character reflected a facet of who I am. Actually she is pretty close to my actual personality. I began to really see myself in that character more and more, until really Maliestra was me, hence, the origin of my online persona.

I slept in this morning and then played again this morning. I met up with a friend in the game from Virginia and we went hunting. There is opportunity to visit in game as well. By noon I got myself ready to head out to my niece’s birthday party in WP. She’d called me and asked if I would make some spinach dip for her party, I agreed and picked up the ingredients on my way. The afternoon was spent visiting with my sisters, playing a little Yahtzee, having dinner and then a game of Trivial Pursuit. I got home about 9:30 pm and watched a little Voyager again. Exciting, aye?

I’m not unwinding very well tonight. It’s already past 1 am and I’ll have to be up in a few hours for Ruhi in the morning.

I have been thinking about Mark today. I think too much, ya know? It seems like perhaps he’s not treating me much different then he treats anyone else, and I am questioning my perception on everything. I am hoping that if he started his class this weekend that it goes well. Am really thinking it is best to just think of this as a budding friendship, which I am not even sure is going to make it that far. Gah!! I am tired of thinking about this stuff. It’s pretty clear that he is in a spot where he really needs to be concentrating on himself, and really that is exactly what he is doing. I think he is probably interested in me, but I am appropriately on a back burner. As the new semester of school creeps up on me I am thinking more and more that I am going to be really okay with allowing this to flow at it’s own pace. That if days, even weeks, go by and things don’t change that will be okay with me. I’d love to be able to see things change for him, for him to get stronger in himself. It feels really nice to be in a spot where really I feel that I can be patient; that I have enough going on in my life that I am not desperate for things to precede. It’s a nice place to be.

I am desperately tired. I need terribly to fall asleep. I need to close down the laptop, shut the bedroom door and gaze into the darkness of my room and sleep.

Sweet dreams. M.

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