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December 13, 2004 - Monday, 10:42 p.m.
We got up and went to Ruhi in the morning. I am really enjoying Ruhi. I am glad that it got set up at a time that I could really do it. It's perfect, every other week. Saturday I got an email from a lady I'd met in GS about four years ago, or so. We'd talked in game, in IM's and on the phone. I don't recall what all we talked about, other then that I liked her. Her email was short, "I've been attending some ruhi classes here and have thought of you several times... " Wow. I didn't recall that we'd talked about the Faith, but we must have. I dropped her an email and told her to call me, that I'd love to talk to her.
I got home before 1 pm and found that Mark wasn't there. Took out my cell phone and found that I had two messages. One from Gary and one from Mark. Mark had unexpected company show up and hoped to make it over later in the afternoon, but said that if I didn't hear from him, he wouldn't be over. I figured he wouldn't, and went ahead and planted my bulbs and relaxed. I just sat in the sun on the front porch, leaned back and closed my eyes. The sun felt good. I listened to the wind, and the traffic down on the highway and some music on the CD player. It felt nice.
Today I had a hard time getting my day started and didn't get into work until about 9. Talked to Mark a little when I went to get some breakfast. He apologized for not making it over, and I could see he wasn't in a good mood. He told me that an elderly woman that lived up the street from him dropped by Sunday morning after his company had arrived. He'd agreed to take down a tree for her in her yard, and she arrived demanding that he do it NOW. He apologized to his guests and ended up spending the day at her house cutting down a big tree and then cutting it up, and piling it up to dry out. It took him all day, and by dark he was finally done. She came out, was pleased with the work and gave him $50. He said, "This isn't what we agreed to," and she said, "It's what I have." He let her know that he wasn't going to be able to do any more work for her in the future, which made her quite angry. He was exhausted and frustrated still this morning.
He told me this in bits and pieces between breakfast and lunch. Seems the whole world needed to arrive for breakfast AND lunch just as I got there. He whispered to me as he gave me my sandwich at lunch that his boss at ATMEL hadn't been too sympathetic, which had frustrated him as well. With about 8 people standing there I took my lunch and headed back to my desk.
About 2:30 pm I called him on his cell, realizing that it was pretty obvious that he was needing to vent, and really hadn't gotten a sufficient chance to do that without an audience. I caught him at home, and he was glad that I'd called. We talked for about 15 minutes. I think it helped to talk about it. I think he'll be fine tomorrow. It really hurt his feelings that he was trying to do something nice for this lady, and then she was SOoo demanding and not nearly appreciative enough. It's a hard thing to learn to say no to people, am sure it wasn't much fun to let her know that he wasn't going to work for her again. I told him that he could call any time if he needed to talk, and he said the same goes for him.
Some times you try to figure out why people come into your life. Some times it can be that you come into THEIR life. I think that perhaps what I may have to give is balance. Mark is really steady and reliable, but I think that perhaps he gives a little too much. Perhaps trying to help too many people at the same time. I was telling L, I think I make a hellava an anchor. It's the ability to ground and calm. My gut feeling is that even as dependable and steady as he is, he needs grounding... balance. So, why might he have come into my life? Perhaps simply the stability I've craved always... perhaps the realization that just maybe there is a possibility that I could find the stability outside of myself.
He is perhaps the first person I've really let see that I might need help and then allowed them to give that help to me, without me doing something for them first, in a very long time. It still amazes me that I let him come help me.
Another interesting thing. Mark is talking to people about helping me. He told the Mark that works with me, that he'd been over to help. It was about the first thing that Mark said to me when he saw me this morning. "SOOooo, Mark was over helping you this weekend? Says he's going to have alot to do there." He talked a little bit about it and then went back to work. A little while later he walked into my cube to retrieve something from the printer and said, "He's a hard worker. You could do worse." Not sure completely what he was referring to. That I could do worse for help, perhaps? Anyway... the cashier in the cafeteria commented on it as well. "I hear Mark is helping you out."
I thought it might bother me, but it didn't seem to. Go figure.
It's late now. Again I didn't work on my final. TOMORROW! I really want to get it done, I just don't want to work on it. :o)