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December 03, 2004 - Friday, 11:43 p.m.

And... back at 'im...

Two entries in one day? Must be a record for me. Was a nice birthday party up at Char's. Was nice to see everyone, but I got tired. Of course it's nearly midnight now, so I guess that isn't surprizing.

I left work and drove up to Maqui and Kyle's and picked up Maqui and Maleah to take them up to WP with me. Was a nice ride up to WP. I thought perhaps I'd find myself talking about Mark, as I was nervous just thinking about calling him, but found that I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. Somehow it just seemed ackward. As usual I'm concerned that I've read things wrong and really would rather not have to explain if things DON'T click at all. If everyone thinks I am looking forward to this, then if it doesn't fly they'll feel bad. Eeew!! I hate that. Perhaps this is completely about someone being nice and helping me out, and nothing more. Would feel very foolish later trying to explain it. Gah!

Anyway, we got up to Char's and visited for a while, I managed to slip away and give Mark a call at about 8 pm. I was worried it was a little late, but got a little nervous earlier and didn't want to be noticed slipping away. So, I walked outside and sat on a chair on the porch and called him. AND woke him up. Gah!

"Hello? Is Mark there?"
"Ya.. this is him", I knew INSTANTLY that he was asleep.
"This is M, I woke you up didn't I?"
He sweetly lied, "No, I was still awake." I fumbled through the conversation, I can't recall it exactly. I asked him if he's done brick work before and he said yes. I said that I really didn't know what I was doing, and that I have no idea how long it'll take, that I need to get some sand and mortar in the morning and that I had the bricks. I told him that I was thinking about noon, as I want it to still be warm. Gah!! I said something like I don't know what kind of time he has, and...::sighs:: I really wanted it to be a smoother conversation, and really I didn't want to talk much about bricks, but that is the focus at this point, and that was all we talked about. It ended that he'd call me around noon and find out where I am at on things. So... I'll get up in the morning, clean house, get over to the gravel and rock yard and get some sand, and then down to home depot for some mortar unless I can get that at the yard too. Will probably end up with like 70 lbs of the stuff. Hoping the yard will be able to fill whatever I bring them with sand and then have them put it in my trunk. I'll not be able to get the sand out of the trunk.

This all was really hard for me. I am absolutely TERRIBLE at asking for help. Really, I almost never do it, if I can help it. My Dad is probably one of the few people I will ask. Even Kevin I can barely bring myself to ask him for help. I keep wishing I could figure out a way to do it by myself, so that I don't have to ask him. Asking Mark for help, was hard, especially as I don't know him very well. I have truly NEVER done that before. It feels very strange. I don't know what he thinks of me. I don't play the 'helpless female' very well at all. In this instance, I really DON'T know what I am doing, so that is sincere.

However, more then I want help with this project, I'd like the chance to get to know him better, and that is what this is all about to me. Who knows. I don't have many expectations about this. Actually I have no idea what I think, other then what I said before, I'd like the chance to actually talk to him without 5 or 10 other people standing around waiting for lunch and listening. I guess we'll see what happens. I am nervous... guess we'll see if he calls tomorrow. I imagine that he will. Hope it goes smoothly.

Sweet dreams.

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