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July 16, 2004 - Friday, 3:45 p.m.

Friday Afternoon in the Universe

What an insane week this has been!! After a weekend of keeping my arm elevated I made it a short day at work on Monday and spent the afternoon preparing for my midterm. I felt terribly distracted and found it hard to focus on the studying. Went into the test calm and felt pretty good about it when I got done. About thirty minutes into the midterm I started to get a reaction to my antibiotic that had been newly prescribed that morning. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized how bad it was, and ended up spending the night in the ER. It totally messed up my week for work hours, but some how I managed to get a solid B on my midterm!! Talk about excited!! What a relief!!

What a trip the ER is! I arrived there at about 10:15pm Monday night. There was quite a crowd there. We all patiently sat there for hours! A kid sitting across from me was sleeping uncomfortably in a chair sitting next to his parents, something with his eye I believe. Another person next to us was in a sling. There was a guy there desperately trying not to move his right arm and shoulder (most likely dislocated). One young man walked it bleeding from his arm pretty bad, they bandaged him a little and then left him sitting to wait his turn. One guy came in with arm pain and chest pains; he quickly went into the ER. We all sat patiently waiting and waiting. At one point victims from a bad traffic accident arrived via ambulance. The waiting room hardly changed for two hours. I’d called my mother and father to make sure they knew what was going on and they came down and joined Phil and I in the waiting room. Was very nice to have them all there. I finally got into an ER room after midnight. I was more concerned about the possible spreading of the infection in my arm then the allergic reaction, but they assured me that this wasn’t happening. Nothing too scary… a couple major IV doses of Benedryl and I was sent home just before 4 am.

Here we are at Friday and the infection is just a memory and the burn is rapidly falling into the realm of memory, rather then current irritation. I guess two weeks isn’t too bad for going from injury to healed. Glad to have it getting better. I am now sitting at two weeks away from leaving for the Lake!! I can hardly wait! As I am feeling better I am hoping that I’ll be able to focus on studying for my final in two weeks. It will be so good to get this done.

This has been a long week. When I arrived here this morning at 7 am I still needed 16 hours to complete my 40-hour week!! Gah!! It’s going to be a long day… and a long Saturday morning and a VERY short weekend!!

Read a disturbing article on the web this morning. I was reading one of my favorite blogs and was referenced out to THIS article. Such a tightrope we tread in our efforts to not discriminate! ::sighs:: It feels like there isn’t a good answer. How do we protect ourselves and yet not infringe on people’s rights? Gah!! Mr. Lilek made a comment to wondering about who would want to be president with the awful things that they may have to deal with in the next few years. I’m in total agreement. Ugh!!

It seems that every friendship I’ve ever had it has been totally up to me to keep the connection going. What’s up with that? Don’t know why it bothers me, but it does. Perhaps I’m not a very fun friend to have… nobody’s working to keep me as a friend. Doesn’t matter if they stop communicating with me or me with them. If I don’t go back and call and say, “hey… what’s up with you”, they never call. I don’t expect that the other people will keep it going alone…but I hate feeling like I am doing it by myself. In a regular day… no one writes me an email, unless I write him or her first. If someone writes to me I write back… responding to their emails... until they stop writing. My job to email, my job to IM, my job to call… that gets old... ya know? I have to man the door… “Wanna come in now?” “Now?” “Now?”

Every friend that I can recall has drifted away. There are none left from grade school or high school… not even any from college. No friends from old jobs… perhaps that is how it is for many people. The only ‘friends’ that I have that have really stuck in there through thick and thin are my siblings. Even when it comes to my friendships with my cousins, I make a point to go by and visit them. I make sure to plan my time to stop see them if I am anywhere near where they live. I’ve lived in my house for fifteen years and none of them have ever seen my house, they’ve never stopped by. I have a friend that moved to Michigan about 3 years ago. I made a point last summer to drive all the way from here to Michigan to visit her. When I had a friend that moved to Chicago I made that trip 3 times in the 4 years she lived there specifically to visit her. I had another friend who moved to California… made a point to go spend some time in California with her. I make a point of trying to keep the friendships going. However, experience has told me if I quit calling they’d just drift away. Sure would be nice to be on the receiving end of that scenario. Where someone was working to keep a friendship with me. Like I said before, perhaps I am not that great of a friend. I feel like I am, like I’d do anything for my friends (and often do). Just depresses me to think about it. Thank God my nieces love visiting me… actually most of the kids do… that helps a lot.

What’s up with this scenario?

My friend says, “Boy I am glad it is the weekend!”

I say, “Me too!! I am looking forward to the weekend. I… (proceed to go into detail about my weekend)… am going to a birthday party on Saturday at such-n-such a place, and then Saturday night I am going to … blah, blah, blah”

My friend say, “Oh me too, I have plans.”

At this point I am thinking, hmmm, I just told you my entire weekend… but I say, “Oh, what are you going to do?”

They say, “Oh, I’m going out.”

“Ummmm… really... where?”

“Out with some friends.” At this point I am doing that mental screaming in my brain thing and all I hear is, “it’s none of your frickin’ business.” I guess I realize that it isn’t any of my business, but what it makes me feel is that I need to stop sharing my plans with these people. Because (a) they probably don’t give a flying f*ck what I am going to do, (b) it feels unbalanced and pathetic and (c) makes me feel uncomfortable.

What a whiner I am today! I guess this stuff has just been bothering me.

I am really tired. Wishing for the work day to finish drifting away.

M.

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