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November 09, 2003 - Sunday, 4:14 p.m.

To PonderÖ Ah, yesÖ

So many weekends begin with such high expectations. I always come armed with the dozens of things that I want to accomplish in the hours I am away from work. Yet, as the weekends unfold invariably I opt to relax, take a nap, and watch a movie. Why is it that I donít complete the tasks I hope to accomplish? I sit here late Sunday afternoon and canít even muster the oomph to open my text books and work on my assignments. The Fellowship of the Rings is on and I am watching it distractedly. The curtains are drawn. The desire to nap is great. Whatís up with that?!?

My sister from Denver is going to be up at my parents for dinner tonight, so that is where I am headed shortly. It will be nice to visit with everyone. Seems a while since Iíve seen them, though imagine itís only really been a couple weeks.

I went to devotions and classes this morning. I enjoyed it, but enjoyed the interactions with people every bit as much. We discussed life after death some after class. This is a topic that I enjoy talking and thinking about. Also, Mary is looking for something to read and we talked about some of the metaphors that are present in the Faith. One that makes particular sense to me is the similarities drawn between the development of the fetus in the womb and the development of our souls in this plane of existence. In the case of the fetus, there is a great deal of development resources put into the ability to see, hear, taste, walk, etc, and yet the necessity for these attributes in the world of the womb would appear to have no purpose. Does the fetus need to see in the darkness of the womb? No. Does the fetus need feet or legs to walk in the womb? Again, no. So,for what purpose are they developed then? Ah, these abilities are not required or needed in the womb; they are needed here in the World of Will. In comparison, for what purpose might we require honesty in this world? On the contrary, it would appear that those who suspended the attribute of honesty very often prosper here. How about integrity, courtesy, or the dozens of good qualities that you can imagine? Again, they donít seem necessary. However, these are the things that we will need for the next world. The presence or lack of these abilities will make us strong or handicap us as we go into the next plane of existence. This is immense food-for-thought. It is one of those things that make me ponder what I am doing and if I am succeeding in accomplishing these things before I leave this world? I certain hope so.

There is an older woman that comes to classes on Sunday mornings. As we discuss topics in the classes, I have often heard her expound on some fine point, and then she says, ďWell, you know, I am studying for my finals.Ē And everyone smiles. She isnít talking about finals up at the university, but the finals of life. All the tests you pass through and complete as your life is drawing to a close. She wants to make sure that she has what knowledge she needs to complete the tasks in a manner that she desires. These are the same thoughts that pass through my head. Will I be ready to move on to the next plane of existence when it happens? And because no one knows at what hour they may be called to the next world, who can afford to wait until the last moment to prepare? No one, at least I donít feel that I can afford to wait until the last moment. It worries me to think sometimes that it could happen tomorrow, and if it did, I donít feel that I will have done all that I need to have done. Take your deeds to account each dayÖ think about how the day went what did I do right today? What did I do wrong? How can I make tomorrow better?

Gah! So very much to ponder on. I was visiting with someone online last night. I was saying that I am a ponderer, and I am. I ponder, think and analyze. Then I ponder my analysis and analyze my pondering, and then I stew upon it all. And truly that is what I do. Enough to make anyone go screaming in the other direction.

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