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August 30, 2003 - Friday, 6:26 a.m.

Dragonfly - The Rebirth of Self

It's the end of summer. Labor Day Weekend! the traditional last weekend of the summer. School has started up, and I am starting to think about cooler weather.

I worked on a resume today for a friend at work. It is strange to think about the sum of a person's professional life filling a single typewritten page. I think it is amazing how many of us don't have this grand plan that is our life. We work at a job, move on to another, get some education, work at another job, and over a period of years a career is unfolded. Not usually a lovely picture, but more a patchwork quilt of experience. I know that there are people who plan it all out, college, med school, internship, practice... wife... babies... but no matter what the plan is, it isn't the plan you started with. Too many things happen that no one plans. Marriages don't work... family members die... things just HAPPEN.


It's cool this morning... it's 5 am and only about 56F. It's quiet. Everyone is asleep here. They are usually up most of the night, but it gets quiet from now 'til about noon. I'm fighting a headache and thinking I should try to fall back to sleep. I've been up over an hour. Should have turned off the tv long before I fell asleep... woke up to find it still on.

Thursday was my last class for this week. It was Business Communications. I got to the school only about 15 minutes before class. Although I'd called and got the room number from Phil (my middle son) on the phone, I still ended up sitting in the wrong room. I sat there about 5 minutes. The teacher didn't really say much, she handed out a note card for info. I kept looking around the room, and I just knew it couldn't be the right class, as there were almost no men in the class. At the last minute I stood up and walked out realizing as I walked out that I'd gone to room 214 rather then 216. I walked in to the right room about a minute before the professor started talking. Majority of the class was men, and many in my age range. I realized that most of my classes in college have always been predominantly men. Hmmm... never thought about that before. Everyone stood up for about 30 seconds and introduced themselves. It is a good mixture of people. Some with great jobs just going for even the BETTER job, some unemployed and trying to get back in the game, and still others fresh from their 4 year degree with little experience.

Sometimes I think I thought I was about the only one at forty-three trying to figure out what direction I want to go, but that isn't true. I think a lot of people struggle with 'what am I going to be when I grow up'.

What is happening in my life? I am 'reinventing' myself. I have found myself drawn to the dragonfly as of late. The symbolism of that alone is amazing. A number of things have happened this year. I lost quite a bit of weight, giving me the energy to begin this 'reinventing' of myself, and from that point it's just exploded. This spring I worked on my yard, doing things I'd not done in at least a couple of years. I had a dumpster delivered and I filled it with the carpet from my living room, weeds, and branches from everything I trimmed. As I went through boxes and boxes, I tossed stuff away the odds and ends of my life from the last 20 years. In May my youngest sister Char graduated from college with her MBA. As I talked to her after her graduation it struck me. "I want to do THAT!" I want THAT degree. I promptly went home. Looked up GMAT on the web and signed myself up for the test. I then began to very actively pull my recommendations together, took the GMAT, applied to the university and by the 4th of July I was accepted into the program. ::blinks:: Suddenly after years of spinning my wheels and poking at a Master's degree, I'd invested myself whole heartedly into a plan!! Wondrous! With my house in complete disarray, I began focusing. Not only was the carpet gone, but I'd scheduled someone to come and refinish the floors. I went out and bought some new furniture for my living room. I even painted my walls some color OTHER then white!! Poof!! Or at least 'pop'... things are in motion. I still have a few more things to do in the house but it's coming together. Another couple of weeks and I'll have something that will be calming, rather then keeping me stressed.

::blinks:: How is that possible?! I just heard a rooster cockadoodle-doing at the sunrise! I live in the middle of town. I wonder who it is that has a rooster in town. It can't be far away... really... there isn't any area around here that is zoned for that. It's kinda nice to hear though.

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